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Thursday, May 19, 2016

Here, There and Everywhere

I've spent most of my life being disappointed in relationships.  All relationships, not just romantic ones, but mostly romantic ones.  As I've mentioned before I was always told I was expecting too much.  I wanted the movie/book/soap opera love story.  No man would ever be able to live up to what I wanted them to be.  I believed them.  I lowered my expectations, but my heart and soul still ached.  I wanted to be understood.  I wanted someone who would be like me!  I gave all I had to all relationships in my life, and I didn't expect it back.  However, when I started to feel taken advantage of, taken for granted and just well mistreated I would move on from those relationships after giving everything that I could have and I never looked back.  Some people (friendship/family relationships) came back at a later date.  Even a few romantic relationships from the past have resurfaced as friendships.  I don't ever initiate those reconciliations, but I do forgive people and believe that everyone deserves a second chance, sometimes a third.  But I've never been completely fulfilled in a relationship in my life, there was always this whole inside of me....I assumed it was my high expectations.

A few years ago I learned about the Law of Attraction and manifesting and how you can bring certain things to your life just by believing they are already there and by becoming the type of person that would attract these things.  I made lists, stating what I wanted in a partner.  Some would read the list and think, wow, she's nuts.  There is no human being on earth that fits all those things.  That's not REAL.  But it's what I wanted.  What I NEEDED.  What my soul craved.  Today, I found two different notebooks with two different lists in them.  One was from 2014 and one I was 6 months later in 2015.  I fell in love in 2015.  I mean real, honest to goodness movie/book/fairy tale love.  Love like I have never experienced before.  It shook my core.  I tried to fight it.  I was scared to death.  It was too good to be true.  It was as easy as.....breathing!  This man was everything I had ever hoped for and more.  Things I never even knew I needed....he provides.  Bliss.  Sheer and utter bliss.  Every single day.  How did this happen?  How am I so lucky?  He insists it doesn't matter why or how....it just IS.

We are like two pieces of a puzzle that fit together so perfectly, so easily....it's like nothing I've ever experienced before with anyone in my life.  I can be totally and completely myself and he adores me anyway...or maybe because of it.  Today I was weepy and wishy washy.  I tried my best to hide it.  There's a lot going on right now and the last thing he needed was to deal with that!  He knew...he asked....I told...he listened.  I mean REALLY listened (as always) and he just knew exactly what I needed to make me feel better.  He always does.  This man loves me in a way that I've waited for my whole life.  He makes me feel treasured, and adored and important and loved every minute of the day.  Even when my mind pushes that aside and tries to convince me that he couldn't possibly feel the way about me that I feel about him, he quiets my fears and doubts without judgment.  He does it with love and compassion, every SINGLE time, no matter how exhausted he is or how stupid my fears are, he reassures me.  He never gets tired of it.  He just knows.  I am truly, by far, the luckiest woman alive.  Everyone sees the difference in me.  My kids have a mom who is happy all the time, they know why.  My friends see it, they are thrilled for me.

I wake up every morning with an excitement that I never thought was possible.  I get to spend my life loving this man.  This man who defies all odds and is everything I've ever wanted.  He is kind, and gentle yet tough and strong.  He is loving and sweet, yet masculine and rugged.  He's BRILLIANT yet never ever makes me feel less than or ignorant for asking questions or doing things the hard way, when he could definitely give me an easier way to do it.  He seems to think it's cute that I have these quirks.  I never have to remind him of things I've told him before, he remembers, because if it's important to me then it's important to him.  He never plays the blame game, he never compares things that I do versus things that he does.  It is the most freeing feeling in the world to find a soul that you connect with on EVERY level....it is my mission in life to make this man feel loved and adored and appreciated and treasured every day of his life, because he deserves nothing less.  He is the answer to my prayers, my prince charming, my heart.....and my home.  Wherever he is....that will always be home to me.
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