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I forget a lot of negative things in life. A lot. I have worked really hard to focus on the present moment (as that is all we are promised). This week the past has come back with my creme filling son in a positive way and a negative way. I got to see him back on the field for the first time in 5 years. I cannot even type that without tears streaming down my face. I cannot explain the range of emotions I experienced that night. Nostalgia, excitement, sadness, happiness, faith and confirmation. Confirmation that everything happens exactly as it should and that when you have faith and hope and conviction in your prayers- God delivers. Now, he's playing in a men's softball league---so many would say, SERIOUSLY? What's the big deal? (Including my son, who laughed when he took one look at my face and knew I was about to cry). Yes! Seriously!!! I wrote an entire book about how the game of baseball saved my son's life. His love of that game and his desire to be on that field kept him fighting though his battle of childhood cancer. When he decided to leave the game of baseball in college, I knew it was the right decision. I was, however, afraid he would never pick up a glove again. He said as much. I knew, in my heart, that that would be a big mistake. However, he has a lot of things he wants to accomplish in his life and this was not the time for baseball. He has since completed his bachelor's degree, gotten his real estate license, moved out of state and back, gotten married, purchased his first brand new home, (not in that order)at the young age of 23. So, when he decided it was time to join a league I knew that divine timing was at play.
Last night he asked me for some pictures of when he had cancer. He has never wanted to look at those before. I asked why. He said, "It's childhood cancer awareness month". I forgot. So I shared a file I have of pictures of just him. I kept adding the cancer ones (noticing there were none of the two of us together--hmmm) He said, "I do not recognize that boy. You don't have to go through anymore mom if it's too hard for you." Huh? I said I don't mind it AT all. All I feel is proud and happy when I see those pictures. He replied "WHY?" I said "WHY? Because look at you now!" To which he sent me a wiseass selfie commenting on yea, now I have hair. I said No! Without that little boy, this man would not be who he is! So as heart wrenching and AWFUL as it was---I can't wallow there.
Because not every day is JUST a day in the life....
