You are more than your paycheck......

Today is Friday....game day.  I dropped my daughter at school dressed in her cheer uniform.  We don't talk on the 5 minute ride to school.  She's usually pretty cranky in the morning and truth be told I'm not a ray of sunshine lately either.  I picked her up 7 hours later and a different girl got in my car.  She was yelling over her shoulder at the football players gathered at the door, there was a pep in her step.  She got in the car all smiles.  I said "you love that uniform don't you?"  She laughed and said it gave her confidence.  Not because she belongs to me but my daughter is stunning.  She's the whole package....gorgeous, smart, funny, fit.....yet she needs a uniform to give her confidence?!?!  I thought back to my son and baseball.  He had a certain swagger when he was wearing his uniform....hmmm  maybe I'm on to something.  Then I got to thinking about all those years when I was a stay at home mom and people would as me "What do you do?"  What do I DO?   Ummmm I'm a stay at home mom.  Instantly their eyes would glaze over and they would go on to someone else to have a conversation with.  Oh, I'm SORRY....is raising decent human beings not enough of a goal or "career?"  I didn't really give it much thought until I was divorced AND still a stay at home mom.  Yea, people had a field day with that one.  I used to wonder how and why people put so much emphasis on their career.  Shouldn't you work to live, not live to work?  Shouldn't your self worth be based on the type of person you are, not how you earn a living?.I hadn't had a "real job" in nearly 24 years so I thought maybe I was uneducated   Well all of that changed this year.  I'm out in the "real" world working.  I love my job, most days.  It's a huge adjustment for me and my kids.  My son was here a few weeks back and I was cooking and on the computer and answering calls and texts at the same time.  I would hang up and my phone would ring again.  He flipped his head around and said "Is this for REAL?"  I couldn't help but laugh...I said this is my life now dude....I'm multi tasking all over the place.  But is my job so important?  Well to the owners and guests I take care of....if I didn't do it then yes it would be.  But am I really making a difference in the world by how I earn a living?  No....and unless you are a teacher, or a doctor or a soldier, or police officer etc.....neither are you!  You might be making a difference in your job but it's by the interaction you have with the people you deal with.  It's not your job that's making a difference-----its you as a human being!

I have always been someone who needs to do everything "right" and be the best at whatever it is I'm doing.  Now since the Pinterest days have come around I no longer make the best looking anything out there (except children 😉) and I'm okay with that.  It's not important to me what other people think.  So long as I know I've done my best that's all I can do..  Now with that being said my challenge in my job is that sometimes no matter what I do my best won't be good enough for someone.  I'm learning to be okay with that.  But do I place my self worth on my job?  Absolutely not!  My self worth comes from the relationships I have in life, in giving my all to everything I do.  It comes from having people I love and who love me.  It makes me sad that people brag about how busy they are and what they did during the work day.  Really?  Well what are you doing when you get home....you know...to the people who are supposed to be the ones who matter most?  Too tired to interact with them?  Still thinking about what happened at work?  Why?  I just don't get it....and I never will....and that....is just a day in the life...

Life's what you make it so let's make it right.....

Lately I have been realizing that God answers prayers in His way, not ours.  I prayed for my tire situation to be fixed about a month ago and my hubcap was snapped off and disappeared...no clue how or when but that tire light issue went away.  I prayed for God to change my son's heart towards me and his siblings....well, he went through hell and back but that prayer has been answered.  He is back in the fold of our family and his hugs every day give me strength and comfort like they used to.  We have long conversations and I see the boy that I raised coming through after many years of disconnect and darkness.  I asked him for a hug the other day and there were tears in my eyes.  He asked what was wrong and I said "Everything's changing"....he said like what?  I said I couldn't explain it.  He asked "Do you want to talk about it?"  That...that is my son.  The one I prayed SO hard for his return.  I said no but I thanked him....and then viola candy appeared on the counter after his next trip to the store.  It took solid years of praying and a very trying and painful time for him (and all of us) for him to return....but whatever it took I'm so grateful for that answered prayer. 

A few weeks back I was talking to my friend Jill and telling her that I missed my cream filling son.  That things were different when he was home.  I hadn't cooked since he left because my other two kids don't eat regular meals.  I cook and it lasts for a week.  It made me sad.  They are also more quiet and to themselves and my younger son and I talk about EVERYTHING all the time.  Well.....later that same day he called about evacuating for the hurricane.  He put me on speaker because he wanted to leave that day and my daughter in love wanted to wait until the next day.  She said call your mom!  She's not an alarmist so whatever she says I'll go with.  (Have I mentioned how much I LOVE THAT GIRL!).  Well after discussing it they decided to leave that day.  Within 24 hours of me uttering the words I wish he was here......he was.  Now, was it a perfect answer?  NO! They had to evacuate their home and they were scared to death.  But....those days together....all of us...reconnecting....were so needed and so priceless....I had to say "Thank you God!"  That time together also showed me that life had changed....they were their own unit, tighter than ever, and although I love having them close they can no longer live with me the way they used to.  They have made their own life and home and that's the way it is meant to be.  It was definitely a visit that needed to happen.

My point in all this ramble is that I've learned that I need to trust God always....even when I don't understand why.  Even when I don't necessarily like His methods.  Even in the time of grief and loss and pain...there is a reason.  And just because all of my prayers aren't answered that doesn't mean I'm not blessed beyond measure.  So, the next time you are angry or hurt or think you're alone.....remember......God's plan is always best.  And during those times don't forget to be grateful for all the prayers that have been answered and the ones that will be answered in the future....because today?  It's just a day in the life.....