Be Thankful for what you got.....

Happy Thanksgiving!  As I sit in the quiet this morning....the bird is stuffed and in the oven...the pies are made...side dishes all simmering and my coffee in hand I am swept up in memories of Thanksgivings past.  I realized this year, with the help of my oldest and youngest children, that Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.  Took me 53 years to realize that.  And it took my walk down memory lane to recall why.  This year is much different in a lot of ways, but I am thankful and peaceful nonetheless.  I realized that I have made Thanksgiving dinner for 30 years.  The only year I didn't was the year I was moving from NY to Arizona and my entire house was packed and we had one last complete extended family dinner at my sister's.  There have been odd years here and there where we celebrated the actual holiday at someone elses' home, but I always made a complete dinner for my family to enjoy after.  When we lived in New York Thanksgiving was my holiday.  I hosted my family and my in laws and basically anyone who didn't have a place to go every year.  I have a full set of Thanksgiving dishes and napkins and tablecloths and gold silverware....specifically designated for this day.  How did I not realize it was my favorite holiday? 

I have come to despise black Friday as it now swallows up Thanksgiving.  My oldest is working from 12-8 today....my middle son and daughter in law worked until 3 am last night and are working at 5 pm today.  Last year we had dinner super early so that we could at least eat together.  This year....my dad has decided not to take the trip up to be with us, and unfortunately my schedule won't allow me to go there.  Plus, I missed Thanksgiving with my oldest last year because he was in New Jersey and I don't want him alone today.  My cream filling son and his bride are now 10 hours away and working all day so that's not happening.  This is our first Thanksgiving apart and it is hitting me far harder than I imagined.  I miss them.  Last year I bought matching Christmas pajamas for my daughter, daughter in law and myself specifically to wear on Thanksgiving morning....well one pair is sitting here unopened.  Last year the girls helped me cut and mix and prepare.  This year it was just my daughter and me and my daughter in laws presence was missed.  20 years ago I started a tradition of giving my oldest a Nutcracker and my younger son a snowman on Thanksgiving morning.  My plan was that when they got married they'd have a whole bunch of Christmas decorations for their new home.  When my daughter came along I added angels to the mix (she later changed hers to snow globes and keeps hers out in her room all year).  Their dad always got them an ornament that had some significance of what their interests were that year.  Once we got divorced I continued that tradition as well.  Again, thinking they'd have a whole tree worth of ornaments when they moved out.  This summer I had to give over those snowmen....and last month the ornaments too.  Wow.  That hit me like a ton of bricks.  I'm crying as I type it.  He's not going to be here to do the tree this year....his ornaments won't be on it....his snowmen won't be placed all over my home....ok, this is NOT what was supposed to be in this blog post.  Ok, back to Thanksgiving.  The picture above is this morning's table, waiting for my oldest and youngest to come down.  I sent Elves to my middlest and his bride because my daughter in law was a bit over the 20 snowmen that would now be in her home lol, I had to switch it up.  I have their ornament here...ready to be mailed....it's surreal to me still.  It's bittersweet....no that's a lie....it's just bitter, I want them here. 

This is our first year in this home.  My daughter asked me yesterday while we were chopping and sauteing and mixing which house I liked preparing dinner in the most, 780 (the house in Arizona that we had built) or this one.....this one for sure I replied.  This kitchen is just perfect for me.  As I looked around this morning after putting the turkey in the oven I envisioned a much different Thanksgiving next year.  The one I've been dreaming about for a few years now....next year it will happen.  This year, I will be thankful for getting through this year of turmoil intact....for my son's beautiful wedding last month and having my whole family together for a short moment....I'm thankful for my crazy, chaotic job and all the blessings that come with that....I'm thankful my family is happy and healthy ....I'm thankful to spend today with my sweet friend and her family....I'm eternally grateful to have my oldest son back whole and complete and our relationship healed and stronger than ever before....I'm thankful for my youngest son and the bond that we have and the fact that it is still as strong as ever despite the physical distance between us....I'm thankful for my daughter in law and the joy and peace she adds to our family....I'm thankful for my beautiful daughter who is strong and smart and knows me better than I know myself sometimes....I'm thankful that my dad is healthy and happy and enjoying his life again....I'm thankful for my siblings and their families and the fact that distance doesn't change the love we have for each other..the list goes on and on.  I know all of this....I know how lucky I am and I am so very thankful.....life is changing rapidly and somethings will always bring sadness during this time.  I miss my mother more every holiday....instead of it getting easier it actually gets harder.  As much as I try to focus on the joys and blessings there is a part of me that is sad and wishes things were different in specific ways....but I know that God's timing and His plan will bring it all together.  Next Thanksgiving I will own it!  It will be the biggest bird I've ever cooked instead of the smallest....now that I've realized it's my favorite holiday who knows what the next 30 Thanksgiving's will bring?  I know that they will always include my thankful heart and the joy that I'm looking for....because after all.....it's just a day in the life.  Happy Thanksgiving!