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Life just continues to twist and change. When I first got divorced I didn't want to be in the same room as my ex husband. It was weird and awkward and I needed to be away from him permanently. I wanted him to have a relationship with our children that did not include me. That did not happen. He still tried to include me in every conversation/meeting/purchase that he made for them. It was so frustrating to me that I just detached completely from him. This was not what I wanted, I wanted to be able to be cordial and have an amicable divorce. When people would see us together at events they were shocked by how well we got along. Sure, because it didn't matter to me anymore. I wasn't looking for anything from him but to be a father to our children. I wasn't invested in the relationship anymore. I had laid down my sword, so to speak.
We had a really bad patch for about 10 months where we didn't speak and it was vicious. Things happened that I never thought would, he did things I never thought he would. He was being influenced by people close to him that really didn't like me. One of them our oldest son. We got through that phase and slowly began to be friends again. I have reached out to him a few times since he moved to Florida and he's been there for me and I am grateful. He mentioned he had no where to go for Thanksgiving and asked what we were doing. I told him we were going to Disney but he was welcome to come for dinner at noon. My kids were shocked. My sons have made peace with him and have created their own unique relationship with him. My daughter, well she wants nothing to do with him and was less than thrilled but was accepting of it. This week I had a huge issue with my car and I reached out to him for help. Via text he said something that made me say wow. you know me pretty well --- he could tell in a 4 word text that I was losing my shit. He said obviously he did.
He was here a week or so ago and we sat down to talk when he brought our son home. Something came up and made us remember a trip to Disneyland when the kids were younger and he reenacted it and we were literally laughing until we cried. My oldest and youngest looked at each other with bewildered faces. They had no memory of what we were talking about. It was so strange because it was like reminiscing with an old friend. I truly forget that we were married for 23 years. I look at him and it's like he's just someone I've known forever. There is a comfort level there that makes certain things so easy. We discussed Christmas and we still work like a well oiled machine when it comes to the kids. He remembers all of those Christmases that we played Santa and I don't have to explain it. He used to buy the kids and me an ornament every Thanksgiving to go with the Nutcracker, Snowman and Angel/Snow globe that I gave the kids. Well the other day a box came in the mail and inside were wrapped ornaments with all of our names on them. It was thoughtful things like that that kept me married to him for as long as I was. He is a good person. He means well. He just isn't my person. And he's not the father I thought he would have been----he's always taken care of the kids financially, but emotionally? The relationship just isn't there. It's sad. Especially with my daughter---she is just perfection, she truly is. And he doesn't know her----AT all. And I don't know that she will ever give him a chance if he asked for it. It's a gift to know her, truly a gift if she lets you in....and unfortunately the men that she did let in have let her down. She's stronger for it. She's fiercely independent and she's starting to explore the relationship world. She's got her shit together. Thank God. She's got a balance of kindness and assertiveness, of compassion and no bullshit....Thankfully.
So, tomorrow....the five of us and my lovely daughter in law will have Thanksgiving dinner together for the first time in 7 years. Will it become tradition? I don't think so. But I just couldn't let him be alone when there was no reason for it. My sons will be able to watch football with their father and even though it doesn't matter to them it matters to me. He has given me the 3 things I'm the most thankful for. And for that I will always be grateful.
