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Saturday, January 30, 2016

Filling the Void

Think back on a time when you were really happy.  Can you feel the excitement?  The joy?  The just overwhelming feeling of gratitude for this incredible experience?  We've all had them. For me....those moments always had this feeling that it wasn't complete.  I felt the joy and the gratitude but there was a feeling that something was missing.  I would talk myself out of it.  I would tell myself that I was expecting too much, that I was afraid the happiness wouldn't last and talking myself out of the happiness....it made sense, right? Well until recently it did.

There were other times that I was finally doing something that I had always wanted to do, or maybe an event I had waited for finally arrived and I should have been over the moon.  But, in my chest, next to my heart there was this feeling....like something was wrong, or missing.  I would tell myself I was nuts, it's in my head.  I wish I had listened to my gut.  Listened to that feeling and known that it was not right.   I'd like to say that at this point in time I've learned my lesson.  But you know what they say, hindsight is 20/20.  Each time I go through one of these situations I take some of that into the next experience and I always take away something to help in the next one.

I think I've been so trained to have no expectations so that I wont be disappointed that sometimes I watered down my needs and desires until I settled for so much less than what brought me fulfillment.  This is what caused the void...the hole, the dissatisfaction that I felt deep in my soul.  How to fix this?  Well, first of all I think it's important to truly get to know yourself.  The real you, not the you that society tells you to be, the you that makes your heart pound and overflow with love and happiness.  The real you that admits things that may not be popular to the rest of the world.  That's the person that can tell you what needs to be done to make your soul sing.  Once you learn to listen to that voice, that person inside then you can begin to fill the hole inside.  But you need to trust it.  The whole process.  It will bring you to places you've never dreamed of.  For me?  It all began with a list.  A wish list for the important things I wanted.  And then, the key was to let go of how those things would come to me.  I just knew they would.  And from that moment on life began filling in the void.  If you would have told me 6 months ago that my life would be what it is right now I would not have listened. But I knew, in that deep part of my soul, that it would be amazing...I just couldn't see the hows and the whys, but guess what?  That's the key...letting go of control and allowing life to flow.  The results are beyond amazing.  Spectacular.  The void is gone and the hole has been filled.

My philosophy on life is that everything happens for a reason.  I love watching life unfold and realizing why things in the past have happened.  It gives me peace to know that the events that had unfolded were all part of a master plan.  This is part of the reason why I have no regrets in life.  I know that, even though I could have learned lessons more quickly and less painlessly, the timing of everything is the way it should be. You are exactly where you are supposed to be at any given moment.