Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy....caught in a landslide, no escape from reality

Well, life here in Florida is starting to return to "normal".  By normal I mean everything is opening back up.  However, if this is "normal"  I'd like my money back.  This cannot be the future of this world, please God.  This week was truly horrific.  Thankfully nothing permanent but a week of really brutal energy.  My oldest son informed me yesterday that like 5 planets were in Gemini and coupled with the new moon I am hoping that is it, because I really want a redo.

Monday I was at the car dealership getting an oil change and yes, I am one of those people that doesn't wear a mask unless I am forced to.  The employees weren't wearing them so I felt that I could go without one as well.  Half of the customers had them on, a few had gloves as well (LOSE THE GLOVES PEOPLE!  THEY DON'T HELP!).  I sat in my chair and observed the looks on everyone's faces.  I felt like I was in a war zone.  No one speaks, everyone is on edge, it's just ugly.  I observed two co-workers and an awkward exchange because the man was trying to keep his distance and the woman kept touching his shoulder and he was trying to back away.  It was difficult to watch and to realize---is THIS the new normal?  When I went to open the door anywhere I used a paper towel and disinfected my hands.  I have never thought about germs in my life.  Except when my middle son was sick as a newborn and then when he had cancer but truly that's it.  Now I have a bottle of hand sanitizer in my purse along with a mask and paper towels.

I went to get a much needed pedicure and was told I needed a mask and to sanitize my hands before entering and there was a thermometer there on the counter if I wanted to check my temperature.  Wow.  There were plexi glass barriers everywhere, they raised their prices (to cover these costs I'm sure) and I sat there thinking---this CANNOT be the new normal.  They had meditation type music playing instead of the TV on and I couldn't help but feel like I just wanted to cry.  It seemed like we were all adversaries instead of neighbors.  Everyone had fear or frustration or suspicion in their eyes.  Really?  Would this ever go away?

I am really trying to not stick my head in the sand but honestly?  How long can this go on?  And keeping a mask on when getting a pedicure but being in a restaurant without one (obviously) what's the point?  I'm an all or nothing kind of person.  I just don't think it makes sense.  Yes, I'm being cautious, taking steps I would normally not take, but wearing a mask forever whenever I'm in public?  Teachers wearing masks while teaching, students while learning?  How is this even going to work?  My heart breaks for these young children growing up with this. 

I had to order toilet paper and paper towels for my company and still my normal orders aren't available.  So I am forced to order more expensive items just so that we have them because we are allowed to open up again.  Our business is having to change so many things to stay up to code.  It's a full time job just keeping up with all the requirements. 

I am a hugger.  One of my love languages is touch.  I went for months without hugging my sons---hell no.  Not anymore.  And I hold onto them tighter and tighter every time I see them, and they hold on right back.  At the beginning of the week my daughter had to hand in her cheer uniform.  They had lines of cars, the seniors were picking up their cap and gowns and lawn signs and yearbooks and the uniforms were being given back.  Some of the kids stayed in their cars and waited for someone to approach them.  Finally I told my daughter to just go bring her uniform into the gym.  Well, her coach said "No way I'm not giving you a hug!  Sorry." My daughter wouldn't have left without one either.  Her friend was waving from afar and told Em that she wanted to come and hug us so badly but her mom told her she'd be punished if she went near anyone.  That broke my heart.  I'm not judging her mom, I get it!  Everyone has to do what is right for them.  But to me?  A life like that isn't worth protecting or living.  Yesterday my daughter and I got together with some friends and it was so awkward greeting them.  But my daughter and her friend just hugged each other so tightly and that broke the ice and then there were hugs all around and the atmosphere relaxed.

I am a firm believer in not living in fear.  I also feel if you think you're going to get sick, you will.  I am not judging anyone for doing what they feel is best for them and their families, but I ask that I am not judged either.  I put my faith and trust in God, as I do every day and I want to live my life.  Because after all, isn't that why everyone is avoiding this disease?  So that they can live?  If I can't hug and kiss and touch the people that I love then what's the point?  Just sayin'.  Isn't it just a day in the life?

Love is a many painful thing.....

There is a reason that they use words like heartbreak, crush and heartache.  Because a broken heart hurts more than anything else in the world.  It's a pain that can't be described and only time will heal it.  There isn't a magic pill to take or bandage to use, it's just time.  Which is devastating in itself.  When we give our heart to another person it's a risk.  We hope and pray that they will treat it with kindness and respect and the TLC that we need, unfortunately that is rarely the case.  That's why we get our hearts broken.

When two people come into a relationship they are each damaged to a certain degree.  They each have their own baggage.  They do and say things that hurt the other person.  They each have their own agenda and somehow, someway they have to try to figure out how to compromise and have both people be happy and fulfilled.  I think World Peace would be easier.  I've given a lot of thought to and observed a lot of people recently and it just seems that in every committed relationship each person just seems unhappy.  The men think the woman are nags, overly sensitive, never satisfied and critical (all true).  The women think the men are selfish, take them for granted, are unromantic and don't help enough (again, all true).  How did they all go from being so happy and loving and giving at the beginning of their relationships to this?  It's that pesky word called EXPECTATIONS.  Once people get involved romantically they begin to expect things.  We each rely on someone else to fulfill our happiness.  In actuality, we can't ever truly be happy with someone else unless we are happy with ourselves.We are so busy avoiding the problems within ourselves that we are focused on pointing out the problems with someone else.  And that's when the downward spiral begins.  One person brings up a "flaw" in the other person (aka you're not meeting my needs) so the other person, not to be undone, returns the favor.  And the rest, is relationship disaster.

I still remember my first heartbreak.  I thought I was going to die.  I remember leaving the dinner table and throwing up in the bathroom because my stomach was in knots.  There was no texting then, no email, no call waiting, no caller ID, no cell phones....just the house phone that was usually located in the kitchen.  I remember sitting in the hallway with my feet up on the wall talking to my boyfriends for hours.  I also remember waiting for that phone call that one day just didn't come.  The heartbreak and devastation I felt was like a knife in my heart.  It never occurred to me that the boys were feeling the same things at times.  I'm very fortunate that my boys share their feelings and relationship situations with me.  The information and insight I've gotten from them really would have come in handy when I was their ages.  They feel just as deeply as I used to.  I always thought men didn't care, turns out I was wrong.  Their heartbreak is just as bad and deep.  And watching it as a parent is equal to or worse than experiencing the heartbreak yourself!  You just want to make it go away and you can't.  If you're like me you want to confront the person hurting your child and give them a good swift kick in the ass!  You want to explain to them that it's all going to be ok and it won't hurt forever....but that won't help either, they need to learn it themselves, unfortunately.

At some point, if you've been hurt enough you eventually stop feeling as deeply.  Sad, but true.  Eventually you might build a wall around your heart so big and so strong that it seems no one can break through...but then, if you are lucky, you will meet that certain person who will love you enough to climb over the wall and set you free from it, and you will finally realize why it never worked with anyone else.