Blew out my flip flop....stepped on a pop top

    This photo was taken 2 years ago during our first annual Cousins reunion in Marco Island. I had not  seen my cousins in 5 years. It was as if no time had passed. We only spent the day but it was an

 amazing time. You know when you have people in your life that just make you happy being in their

company? That is my Vegas family. We did not know then that this short visit would be the

beginning of a very important tradition.

This photo was taken last year in Fort Lauderdale. Thanks to hurricane Ian this trip almost did not happen. Marco Island was hit hard and my cousins were coming from Vegas and Philly so the logistics were a bit challenging, but we did it! Although we were all only together for 3 days it was another period of rejuvination for my soul. It was once again just so easy to be together and we picked up where we left off! My daughter looks at her 3 cousins as additional siblings and the bantering and and connection is really so amazing to see.  She is not someone who shows her true personality to many people but Machew, Bubba J and Ryguy definitely see the true Lulu. I love watching it. We stayed in a hotel this trip and it was more challenging (connecting rooms apparently mean the same hallway in Ft. Lauderdale) but we made it work and had a blast. From being surrounded by fish in the ocean to closing the pool bar down, this was an amazing trip! We vowed to make it an annual thing!

 This photo was taken yesterday once again in Marco Island.  Our 3rd annual family reunion.  It was by 

far the best one yet! We left feeling rejuvenated in a way that only happens when you are with people that truly love and accept you. It was as if we were together every day. You know those times when you laugh so hard you cannot breathe? A few of us actually had headaches from laughing too much. It was so needed for me. There are very few people in my life that make me feel like I can just be myself and not worry about the aftermath. My cousins are these people to me. It was so relaxing and easy and just fun! We are able to have those tough talks about big issues and then laugh until we cry (literally-there was snorting!). How blessed am I to have this in my life? And how fabulous to see my daughter be 100 percent unapologetically herself and be embraced for it. Uncle K and Aunt R are exactly what Lulu needed at this time in life, so it was not just me that needed it.  And my nephews, Machew, Bubba J and Ryguy are 3 of my favorite people in the world.  They are so easy to be with and I can talk to them about anything and I love watching them grow into the incredible men they are becoming.  We are already looking forward to next year!  

This trip has shown me how important it is to be around people you love and how important it is to maintain those connections.  Rockin R and I have made a point of catching up with a phone call at least once a month and I look forward to those calls so much.  I drove home last night feeling lighter than I have in a very long time.  I fell into bed physically exhausted yet emotionally alive in the best possible way.  I am so very very grateful to have this to look forward to every year and have these 5 people in my life....it makes me feel joy.  My absolute favorite emotion.  And having that joy makes me know there is more on the way and I am excited for it.  Life is what you make it ---so let's make it right.  It is too short to be stuck in unhappiness, or the day to day blahs that become your normal way of life.  Every day is NOT just a day in the life --- it is what you make it and for me?  I am choosing joy....and whenever I can I will do something that makes me feel that----every day in the life.

Look at the stars....how they all shine for you

Today.....today was one of those perfect days. I will try my very hardest to remember this feeling and this day when things get hard (which of course they will - this is life after all) 2022 was probably the hardest year of my life. That says a lot, since in the last decade I have gotten divorced, moved 4 times, lost both of my parents, and that is just the tip of the iceberg. But 2022 ---- it was (I believe) the ending of a time of torment and it had to get it's last licks in. And if today is any indication of what is to come -- it was all worth it. Every single moment. I am blessed. I know this. My family is protected. I know this. But that does not mean that bad things do not happen. But I don't want to focus on 2022 - I want to focus on today. I started my morning with a phone call from my oldest son in California before I had my coffee. Normally, he texts me that early with our good morning gratitudes. It is something we have started recently. But a phone call that early would have sent me into a panic in the past (especially because we spoke last night) But it doesn't anymore. He's doing well - so well that I do not believe I have ever seen this version of my son as an adult. He had good news for me - that's why he called. So we started chatting and wow - it went deep. He gave me a gift that he didn't even know I needed. He thanks me all the time for things I've done, things I am still doing, I do not need thanks. I tell him, all I need is for him to live his best life. THAT is the greatest gift to me. He understands me very well. All three of my children do, honestly. Because I have always been honest and open about my life and my feelings with them. But he relates a lot to who I was as a child and things I have shared about that period in my life. He is also the one who saw the toxicity of my marriage more than the other two. He understands now things I did to protect them. I guess what he gave me yesterday was validation. Something he has never given me before. I hung up the phone feeling like I could conquer the world. Feeling like if this was my last day on earth I would be able to die happy. The joy in my heart was overflowing that my baby boy (who is a man) is in such a great space and our relationship is where it is. It did not end there ----- my creme filling son and I had a catch up call this week. The time difference and our work schedules do not allow that as often as we would like. It was just so great. We text nearly every day, but those phone calls are needed. So we were texting today and it was great. My daughter in law also thanked me for raising him - that was a bonus too. Then out of the blue tonight he sent me a song and said "make sure you're not in public" - again, he knows me well. I sobbed my eyes out - I am crying now as I type this. It was very similar to what my oldest said to me earlier. I cannot explain the feeling --- I grew up in a very male dominant household, my father and brother did not show their emotions (the soft ones) and I thought men did not have emotions. I thought men were made of stone. I believe that is why I chose my ex husband. He showed emotions. He cried. He described loving me in words that curled my toes. But, as soon as we got engaged that went away. So----I assumed that that is how it worked. Now he was just like all the other men in my life. I thought this was normal! I was determined to let my sons show emotions and not be ridiculed for them. I succeeded. Then they became men. And I see they don't show them to the outside world (which is fine! That is saved for the ones that love you!) but I know what goes on inside. And it has given me a whole new insight into the male species. I wish I had known all of this when I was a young girl. It would have helped me understand that women aren’t the only ones with feelings. Raising these boys changed my life in ways they will never know. These men that I raised....they have given me a run for my money. From childhood and their constant fighting to their teen years which made me long for the days when all I had to do was deal with their fighting to their 20s which have had more ups and downs then the tower of terror in Disneyworld. But today----today I got to see a glimpse of what it was all for. These men....are incredible. They love me just as much as they did when they were little. They will always need me, in a very different way, but need me nonetheless. All of those prayers, and sleepless nights and days when I did SO many things that I really did not want to do and the days I felt like a failure (a lot of those)----it was all worth it. Every minute of it. Today (and I know this will not be permanent unlike the old me who thought once things were good they stayed that way) today is that day when all is right with the world. And I feel HAPPY and JOYFUL and dare I say bliss. Today was SO much more than a day in the life.....