They say it's your birthday......Happy 1st Birthday in Heaven Daddy....

 

Happy 92nd Birthday Poppa....your first one in heaven.  You are most likely so happy to be surrounded by all of those you've missed for so many years on your birthday.  It is your first birthday with your mom in more years than you can count.  Funny because this year will be the first one that I do not spend with DTM....the circle of life, huh daddy?  You used to talk about that all the time.  The quotes you used, your pearls of wisdom....they stay with me.  They are a part of who I am.  I hear your voice and your words every single day.  "Where you are, I once was" -  that's been a big one lately.  I miss you.  So much.  I know we all do.  

I found a disk of photos that you had taken over the years.  I downloaded them on my computer and it is so cool to see your perspective on what was important to capture.  It was also pretty funny that every picture I took of you and you took of me, we were making faces at each other....I guess I only remember our long talks over coffee, or after dinner.  I forget the goofy stuff.  That's why I miss the days of cameras instead of cell phones for picture taking.  

The baby graduated last week Pop.  It was the first and only one you missed.  DTM was quick to say that you and mommy were both together and there for it.  I am not gonna lie, I felt the empty seat.  I always feel the absence of your presence.  Even when you were grouchy and I could tell you missed the quiet of your own place, it was a blessing to have you there.  

Everything is changing Daddy.  I know you would say that's life.  Which I would then turn to mommy so she would comfort and baby me lol.  But you are right....it is life.  And sometimes dad?  It sucks.  How come you never showed me that?  How come you and mommy made it seem SO easy?  I can hear you laughing at me.  Shaking your head and saying "Ah baby, if only you knew."  I think about all the birthdays growing up that you made so special.  I always felt like a princess on my birthday.  And your birthdays....you shaking boxes and guessing what was in it---used to piss us off so much!  😁  And now?  What a party there is in Heaven today!  Strawberry shortcake, mommy's potato salad---I can see it now.  It makes my heart smile.  You deserve it daddy!  But what I would not give to run down the street and meet you at the corner and hang out the car window while you drove home.  I miss you.

We will celebrate you today.  I think I will have a manhattan instead of an appletini to switch things up.  I miss you.  Remember how you used to tell me to use my "poison pen" when I had something to say?  I am losing my gift daddy---the words are just not coming.   My get up and go just got up and went (as mommy always said).  I am hoping time truly does heal all wounds---you wouldn't lie to me wouldja daddy?  Because I will remind you when we meet again.  I will have a list, because I am your daughter.

I am sorry I am not full of eloquence and all these incredible snippets that you looked forward to in the past.  I'm not gonna lie Poppa....I haven't been myself since you left.  I think you took a part of me with you----can you send it back please?  I kinda miss her.  But I am stronger than I used to be---I will give you that.  I am your daughter. And you raised me to do whatever it takes no matter what, right?  Right.  So here we go daddy---the next phase of life.  Stay close please...because I always need my daddy.

Happy Birthday Poppa!  You are loved and missed more than you know.  I hope it is truly the best one ever and not just a day in the life xoxoxo 

Happy Anniversary! Its not the pale moon that excites me, thrills and delights me.....it's just the nearness of you! HAPPY ANNIVERSARY IN HEAVEN!

February 21, 1954

Happy Anniversary mommy and daddy!  68 years and you are able to celebrate together again.  It brings me such joy to know that.  You are both so missed, every single day.  I feel even safer and more at ease knowing you are both up there watching over us all.  I have told my children numerous times in the last nearly 2 months - I am not worried.  Yaya AND Poppa have it.  Just like when I was little.  

I want to thank you both once again, for being my foundation.  I am fortunate enough to have my children thanking me for the same things I have thanked you for over the years.  As you know, I did my best to instill the sense of family in them that you instilled in me.  I wanted them to feel safe and to know I would always have their backs like you always had ours.  I want to thank you for giving me that foundation.  Growing up I never worried about anything.  I knew you would always take care of anything and everything.  I miss that feeling on the physical level.  

It's funny, when we were planning Daddy's memorial I wanted everything the same as we did for yours mommy.  My siblings had to say, many times, "they are not one person". 

Ummm in my mind you were.  You were a unit.  I know (because as an adult my relationship with both of you was very different) that you were not always in perfect unison (that was a tough pill to swallow---my parents?  human?  the travesty! 😉)  However, I know how important it was to you both to have everything equal.  I guess that is where I got my obsession with fairness.  

When Daddy passed, my oldest child saw you both up there dancing.  He asked me if you guys used to dance.  Wow.  It was sad to me that he never got to see those days!  When you danced together it was magic.  DTM and Lu have had similar signs.  I know in my heart of hearts that you are both just so happy to be together again.  But I am not going to deny, it sucks.  Daddy I hear you SO clearly it is as if you are still here.  But you need to let mommy talk too you know, she had the floor for nearly 7 years and she's back to letting you take the wheel.💞  I still need to hear her too.

I know I have done many things that were hard for you to accept and understand---yet you never made me feel judged or like I disappointed you.  I remember when I said I was moving to Arizona, mommy said "Over my dead body!" and  I said "you don't live here, sorry you don't get a say".  And that

was the last I heard of it.  I am sure watching me make mistakes and decisions that you did not approve of were really difficult, yet you never made me feel unsupported.  Thank you for that.  I know first hand how difficult it is but you gave me an example to follow.  DTM called me the other day and needed me immediately.  I dropped everything and ran over (this is a rare occurrence, he is quite fiercely independent).  On the way home, after I took a breath I remembered calling you in Florida at 6 am from Long Island because I found a mouse half dead next to my stereo and I didn't know what to do. 😏  You responded "Tina, I'm 1300 miles away what do you want me to do?  Put a can over it until the landlord comes over"  I was so upset at the time.  It was the first time you could not fix it for me.  Looking back I realize it was probably hard on you as well.  

You two certainly were an amazing blueprint for what a marriage should be.  You never stopped holding hands.  You were there for one another first and foremost.  Nothing came above your marriage.  The sacrifices you made, I am sure, were not easy but you made them without anger, or resentment.  And now?  Now you rest in peace, and love....together (as it should be) for eternity.

Happy Anniversary mommy and daddy!  Salud!  Appletinis, Manhattans and shrimp cocktail for everyone!  I love you both----thank you for being the best there was!!!!  My God, how I miss you xoxoxoxo💔

it was NOT just a day in the life.  It is a day that began an amazing love story!