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What a difference a week makes. Last week we were celebrating my niece's wedding.... This week family reunion with my ex husband. Polar opposite experiences. My kids haven't seen their father since October at my son's wedding. My oldest saw him for an hour on Christmas but that's about it. They all have different levels of interaction with him on a text/phone call level. I don't ask about it so unless they mention anything I'm not aware. I know my daughter has no interaction at all with him and my sons are grown men their relationship with their Dad has nothing to do with me.... except for days like this. My ex is a very persistent man when he makes up his mind. In this situation he had it in his head to bring Chinese food over and spend the day with the kids....at my house....with me. Sigh. My daughter wants nothing to do with him so that makes it really awkward. I don't care if he's here honestly. It doesn't bother me. I feel sympathy for him even though I shouldn't. We've been divorced for 7 years and he's seen the kids less than 50 times..... Yes you read that right. Even when we lived 5 minutes away for the first 4 And a half years. He never saw where my sons went to college. He's never been to my daughter's school. He was respecting their wishes you could say. I'm not trying to villainize my ex. He's financially taken care of his children above and beyond what he needs to... He is there for me whenever I need him.... He's not a bad man. I've told my kids their whole lives that he does the best he can. To my daughter it's not enough. He's a stranger to her. My sons are developing some form of relationship with him on their terms. This weekend? Was not on their terms. Their Dad was being persistent and they were getting frustrated trying to appease him and not make me spend the day with him and not upset their sister. So I took one for the team. It was fine. He arrived while my kids were either working or still sleeping. As they woke up and came home from work we gathered around the table to eat.. I removed myself for a bit while he talked to our sons and the girls watched a movie in the other room. When he left the 5 of us gathered around the island in the kitchen and took a deep breath. We're all big on energy and how people's energy affects a room. We realize how much we rely on the Happy positive energy we have in this house. They remarked how it was like having their crazy Uncle visit rather then their Dad. That's when it got me... why I feel sorry for my ex. Not only did he lose me... which he regrets... He has no idea who our children are as human beings. He knows nothing about them. His conversations with them are mere cliche/catch phrase conversations and sound bites. Wow. That hurts my heart. He got our daughter in laws name right at least my daughter joked. These moments... gathered around the island in the kitchen have become a Friday and Saturday night staple in our home. And I know my son and daughter in law will be back in their own place soon and it won't be as frequent.... But these are the moments that bond us tighter. We have deep... meaningful... life changing conversations with each other....I can't imagine my life without these. While in NY last week we noticed that there is always background noise..a TV on... Music... not in my house. My sister commented last week that my kids and I are always talking to each other... that she's never seen a family talk as much as we do. I can't imagine it any other way. Communication is the key to closeness and truly knowing someone. I pray to God we always remain connected this way....I thank God for my daughter in law and her ability to embrace it and become part of it so easily. I pray that when we add additional members that they embrace it as well.... because this is my legacy... my purpose.... and so much more then just a day in the life....
