The dinner theory....sorry no catchy song lyrics for this one :)

Happy March!  Not sure how March came up so quickly this year but yet here we are!  I'm a planner.  I'm a doer.  I'm not a waiter....or a winger....I like to know what's ahead of me.  I have said my whole life I can deal with ANYTHING as long as I know what I'm dealing with!  Even when my son was diagnosed with cancer and the Dr. came in to tell us about his treatment plan....he asked my son and me when we wanted to get started...we looked at each other and said "Today?"  I loved that calendar...I loved the plan all laid out in front of us, knowing when and what was going to happen as he tackled this disease.  During that time the hardest thing was when his counts didn't line up and they had to push the treatment off a week.  You see....we planned a trip to New York for Halloween because that was going to be his prize....his thing to look forward to during this horrific time.  Eye on the prize we would say.  Working towards something motivated him.  It's always motivated me.  Knowing why I'm doing something is necessary for me to do it with my whole heart.  Having a goal and an end game is just vital. 

Last year a lot of time that I could have spent enjoying things or relaxing were spent frozen because I was waiting for something that didn't even happen.  Had I known that it wasn't happening last year I would have been okay with it, I would have gone about my life not putting things off "in case" or "until" the event was occurring.  I'd rather suffer the pain of disappointment then the agony of waiting for something that isn't going to transpire.  In my morning chat with my Maple Leaf bestie I was saying how I can't handle uncertainty.  How I can deal with anything but that.  And she said she totally got it...she said it's the dinner theory.  Ummmm huh?  HUGE question mark on my face.  'Splain please.  "The dinner theory...hang with me!  Like if I'm told when I get home that there will be spaghetti and meatballs and I walk in and there is Chinese food I'm annoyed/upset/disappointed because I was ready for Spaghetti and meatballs.  I was looking forward to spaghetti and meatballs.  I was prepared for spaghetti and meatballs."  YES!  I get it!  The dinner theory!  Works!  It's not a matter of being rigid or inflexible to life's twists and turns it's just a matter of preparation.  I like impromptu things.  For instance...speaking of the dinner theory.  I plan my menus a week in advance.  I shop based on those menus (don't judge me...I told you I like to be prepared).  Now....if Tuesday comes and I don't feel like making what was planned for Tuesday or if someone says "hey lets go out or can we have xyz instead?"  I'm all for that.  I don't mind deviating from the plan....I just like to have it there in case.  Am I making any sense here?  The plan gives me comfort.  It lets me know that I have it under control in case.   I know ultimately that God is the one in control....that even if I 'think' I know what is going to transpire and I plan for it that He can change it in the blink of an eye and that's okay by me.  Because I know His plan is way better than anything I could have imagined.  I just normally have this strong intuition that I can feel Him guide me on my path....lately He's showing me that I don't need to see the path I need to trust Him.  And I am....and I need to learn to enjoy the present moment because they don't last forever.

Yesterday I was working and my kids were helping and I told them to just go and enjoy themselves in the pool.  My son kept asking me if I was going to join them.  I said yes, in a minute...I just want to finish.  I heard them laughing outside and he sent me a picture of them in the hot tub.  I realized that so much is changing this year....including us not living in the same space by the end of the year.  I stopped what I was doing and put my bathing suit on and joined them.  We then went home and I picked up dinner on the way so that I didn't have to waste time in the kitchen (ooops the dinner theory got blown there...no burritos----fried chicken instead) and we spent the rest of the night laughing and watching This is Us (I KNOW!  BEST SHOW EVER!) and just relishing in the now.  Nothing lasts forever......it's just a day in the life......

Cleaning....is it really necessary?

Let me start by saying that I grew up in an IMMACULATE home....you could eat off the floors at any given moment and there was never any clutter anywhere!  I never thought about it, it's just the way it was.  If I'm being honest I never cared.  Probably because I wasn't the one doing the cleaning.  I also remember that whenever I was given a chore to do (rarely) my mother always redid it.  That was the beginning of my self-esteem issues and the fact that I often feel like nothing I do is ever good enough.  I also felt like a clean house was too important to my mother.  I remember asking her if we could do something and it would always be prefaced by I have to vacuum first or whatever chore had to be accomplished.  I promised myself that when I had children I would never do that.  And I didn't.  I went a bit too the opposite side and my house was often messy when they were little, but I could not put the emphasis on cleaning that my mother had.

I may sound like I'm judging here, and that's not my intent, but I feel like people who obsess over how clean their homes are could be avoiding dealing with things beyond their control.  Cleaning the bathroom is something you can control, you don't have to think about it.  It's matter of fact.  And it makes you feel good about yourself---I always feel better when the house is clean.  However, dealing with my daughter's issue with the class bully is not as cut and dry.  Sometimes, I'd rather throw myself into cleaning the baseboards then deal with the emotions and feelings of my teenager--because I can't fix that and tie it into a nice clean package.  It's messy, and exhausting and doesn't always wind up the way I want.  However, the dirt will be there tomorrow and my kids will not always be!  The vacuum will not remember the bonding time we shared---my kids will!

The other day I overheard a conversation between two women bragging over how much they clean, I have a friend that will have a 20 minute conversation with you about how she washed her walls...BOOOORRRRRIIINNNG!  People pride themselves on how sparking clean their home is, but is there any fun going on there?  Do people feel comfortable there?  Do you clean the dishes off the table immediately instead of sitting and enjoying after dinner conversation?  Is having a spotless sliding glass door more important than playing a game of Sorry with your 8 year old?  Are you too tired at the end of the day to bake some cookies with your preschooler?  What's wrong with this picture?  Don't get me wrong I am not advocating a filthy house by any means!  My house is clean, a bit messy I'll give you, but it's clean.  Is it perfection or pristine?  Absolutely not!  But guess what...who cares?  Tomorrow is another day and there will always be more dirt and mess and streaks to take care of.  But your 4 year old will only be 4 for a short time.  My 10 year old daughter will not always want to play a game or make bracelets or bake cookies with me, my 15 year old will not always want spend time watching a movie with me or talk to me about what's going on in his world, and I am completely blessed that when he comes home from college my 20 year old will spend 3 hours talking to me about everything under the sun---these moments are fleeting! Think about that the next time you tell your kids "as soon as I finish (fill in the blank)...."