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Saturday, May 24, 2014

Love is a many painful thing.....

There is a reason that they use words like heartbreak, crush and heartache.  Because a broken heart hurts more than anything else in the world.  It's a pain that can't be described and only time will heal it.  There isn't a magic pill to take or bandage to use, it's just time.  Which is devastating in itself.  When we give our heart to another person it's a risk.  We hope and pray that they will treat it with kindness and respect and the TLC that we need, unfortunately that is rarely the case.  That's why we get our hearts broken.

When two people come into a relationship they are each damaged to a certain degree.  They each have their own baggage.  They do and say things that hurt the other person.  They each have their own agenda and somehow, someway they have to try to figure out how to compromise and have both people be happy and fulfilled.  I think World Peace would be easier.  I've given a lot of thought to and observed a lot of people recently and it just seems that in every committed relationship each person just seems unhappy.  The men think the woman are nags, overly sensitive, never satisfied and critical (all true).  The women think the men are selfish, take them for granted, are unromantic and don't help enough (again, all true).  How did they all go from being so happy and loving and giving at the beginning of their relationships to this?  It's that pesky word called EXPECTATIONS.  Once people get involved romantically they begin to expect things.  We each rely on someone else to fulfill our happiness.  In actuality, we can't ever truly be happy with someone else unless we are happy with ourselves.We are so busy avoiding the problems within ourselves that we are focused on pointing out the problems with someone else.  And that's when the downward spiral begins.  One person brings up a "flaw" in the other person (aka you're not meeting my needs) so the other person, not to be undone, returns the favor.  And the rest, is relationship disaster.

I still remember my first heartbreak.  I thought I was going to die.  I remember leaving the dinner table and throwing up in the bathroom because my stomach was in knots.  There was no texting then, no email, no call waiting, no caller ID, no cell phones....just the house phone that was usually located in the kitchen.  I remember sitting in the hallway with my feet up on the wall talking to my boyfriends for hours.  I also remember waiting for that phone call that one day just didn't come.  The heartbreak and devastation I felt was like a knife in my heart.  It never occurred to me that the boys were feeling the same things at times.  I'm very fortunate that my boys share their feelings and relationship situations with me.  The information and insight I've gotten from them really would have come in handy when I was their ages.  They feel just as deeply as I used to.  I always thought men didn't care, turns out I was wrong.  Their heartbreak is just as bad and deep.  And watching it as a parent is equal to or worse than experiencing the heartbreak yourself!  You just want to make it go away and you can't.  If you're like me you want to confront the person hurting your child and give them a good swift kick in the ass!  You want to explain to them that it's all going to be ok and it won't hurt forever....but that won't help either, they need to learn it themselves, unfortunately.

At some point, if you've been hurt enough you eventually stop feeling as deeply.  Sad, but true.  Eventually you might build a wall around your heart so big and so strong that it seems no one can break through...but then, if you are lucky, you will meet that certain person who will love you enough to climb over the wall and set you free from it, and you will finally realize why it never worked with anyone else.
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