I woke up this morning and received a text from my ex husband that his mom, my children's grandmother, had passed away. My immediate thought was that I had to tell my kids. I had no idea how they would react, honestly. They are very fortunate to have never lost someone very close to them. Sadly, in actuality, this was no different. Just because you are related by blood and genetics to someone does not make them close to you. Love does....kindness does....and a sense that having that person in your life has somehow made it better does. I have lost Aunts and Uncles that I barely knew and was not very affected by their passing, yet we lost a family friend last year who was a huge part of my childhood and I cried for a week! After that initial thought of telling my kids, I thought of Pop Pop...my kids grandpa on their father's side. He has lived the last 65 years with his wife---how do you begin to function after losing them?
I have always been irritated that whenever someone dies all of a sudden everyone around acts like the deceased was a saint. Mother Theresa had nothing on them. Sometimes, that's just not the case. Sometimes you don't have wonderful memories of someone--why force it? Send love and light and move on. I was surprised at how weird I felt all day. I kept thinking that 2 years ago I would have had a very different role in this situation. I thought of how sad it was that she never really knew the 3 grandchildren that I gave birth to. I have no doubt that she was a wonderful grandmother to her other 17 grandchildren, but my 3 she was never truly comfortable around. I reflected on my own life and whether or not those I love know how much I love them. The answer would be yes. My parents know how much I love them, I talk to them often and include them in details of my life and spend quality time with them whenever we can. My sister---she's my best friend, she knows how much she means to me, I tell her all the time. My brother? Absolutely he knows. He hates when I tell him lol but he knows. My Godsons--both of them---yup, they know I adore them and my 2 nieces know they are my girls! My brother in law and sister in law---you know they know it! How? Because I TELL them! And I show them with my actions. They all know I am there for them no matter what, anytime, anywhere. It's important to me. Like I said yesterday, I have very few people that I consider to be close to me and those people are my world. I want my children to never wonder about my love for them...I don't want them to ever think I had a favorite--they are all my favorites. And when they get married and have children of their own I will make it my life's purpose to treat all of those gifts from heaven as just that---my gifts.
How are you going to make your mark on the world? What is the most important thing that you want to be remembered for? So many people throw themselves into their jobs/careers and think that that is their legacy. Really? Is it? Is that what you want people to remember about you? What about how you spend the precious time you have on Earth--do you want to spend the majority of it working? Or do you want to work to live and enjoy your life? My brother in law is someone I look up to for that specific quality. He works all week, and he works hard. But that is just so that on the weekends, and on vacation, he can explore his passions---skiing and boating. He enjoys his life! Since I have gotten rid of the shoulds (that I discussed yesterday) and the guilt for not doing the shoulds I am enjoying my life that way. It feels wonderful and I'm able to be happy and look forward to each day. Can you say the same thing? If not, maybe it's time to do a self evaluation and figure out how to change that.
I have spent too much of my life focusing on the future---oh, I'll be happy when ________. I can't wait until ___________ because then things will be better! NO! You need to be mindful in the present moment and take the joy out of each one that we are given in this lifetime. We are NOT promised tomorrow and we may never pass this way again, so spread love and joy and happiness to everyone you can and enjoy your life! And someday,when the people I love are faced with hearing what my children heard today, that I went home to God, I want them to have wonderful memories about how we laughed and cried together, how we enjoyed each other's company and how very very much I loved them. That will be my legacy xoxoxo