They say it's your birthday......Happy 1st Birthday in Heaven Daddy....

 

Happy 92nd Birthday Poppa....your first one in heaven.  You are most likely so happy to be surrounded by all of those you've missed for so many years on your birthday.  It is your first birthday with your mom in more years than you can count.  Funny because this year will be the first one that I do not spend with DTM....the circle of life, huh daddy?  You used to talk about that all the time.  The quotes you used, your pearls of wisdom....they stay with me.  They are a part of who I am.  I hear your voice and your words every single day.  "Where you are, I once was" -  that's been a big one lately.  I miss you.  So much.  I know we all do.  

I found a disk of photos that you had taken over the years.  I downloaded them on my computer and it is so cool to see your perspective on what was important to capture.  It was also pretty funny that every picture I took of you and you took of me, we were making faces at each other....I guess I only remember our long talks over coffee, or after dinner.  I forget the goofy stuff.  That's why I miss the days of cameras instead of cell phones for picture taking.  

The baby graduated last week Pop.  It was the first and only one you missed.  DTM was quick to say that you and mommy were both together and there for it.  I am not gonna lie, I felt the empty seat.  I always feel the absence of your presence.  Even when you were grouchy and I could tell you missed the quiet of your own place, it was a blessing to have you there.  

Everything is changing Daddy.  I know you would say that's life.  Which I would then turn to mommy so she would comfort and baby me lol.  But you are right....it is life.  And sometimes dad?  It sucks.  How come you never showed me that?  How come you and mommy made it seem SO easy?  I can hear you laughing at me.  Shaking your head and saying "Ah baby, if only you knew."  I think about all the birthdays growing up that you made so special.  I always felt like a princess on my birthday.  And your birthdays....you shaking boxes and guessing what was in it---used to piss us off so much!  😁  And now?  What a party there is in Heaven today!  Strawberry shortcake, mommy's potato salad---I can see it now.  It makes my heart smile.  You deserve it daddy!  But what I would not give to run down the street and meet you at the corner and hang out the car window while you drove home.  I miss you.

We will celebrate you today.  I think I will have a manhattan instead of an appletini to switch things up.  I miss you.  Remember how you used to tell me to use my "poison pen" when I had something to say?  I am losing my gift daddy---the words are just not coming.   My get up and go just got up and went (as mommy always said).  I am hoping time truly does heal all wounds---you wouldn't lie to me wouldja daddy?  Because I will remind you when we meet again.  I will have a list, because I am your daughter.

I am sorry I am not full of eloquence and all these incredible snippets that you looked forward to in the past.  I'm not gonna lie Poppa....I haven't been myself since you left.  I think you took a part of me with you----can you send it back please?  I kinda miss her.  But I am stronger than I used to be---I will give you that.  I am your daughter. And you raised me to do whatever it takes no matter what, right?  Right.  So here we go daddy---the next phase of life.  Stay close please...because I always need my daddy.

Happy Birthday Poppa!  You are loved and missed more than you know.  I hope it is truly the best one ever and not just a day in the life xoxoxo