Monday, December 16, 2024

On the path unwinding, in the circle of life




I just celebrated my baby girl’s 21st birthday, and I still can’t believe how quickly the years have flown by. It feels
 
like just yesterday I was hearing her first cry in the delivery room - as soon as they made the incision on my stomach. I breathed a sigh of pure relief because I knew all is well with the precious cargo I carried for nearly 40 weeks. The room was filled with laughter, and when I saw her for the first time, she was perfect. She still is in my eyes.


She’s my best friend in this world, and I’m so, so blessed to have her. Watching your child grow up is one of life’s greatest joys—and lessons. It’s a profound reminder of the circle of life. I often find myself identifying with my own mother and wondering how many times I hurt her without ever realizing it. There’s so much I didn’t understand until now. I’m grateful every day that my daughter appreciates me as much as she does. She thanks me for things I don’t even realize I’ve done.


Watching her blossom in our new surroundings has been incredible. Moving here felt like stepping into the life God planned for us. From the moment we crossed the state border, we could feel the difference, even though we were tested right away with some challenges. Thankfully, those moments passed, and we were able to enjoy the fresh start we’d waited two years for. The past six weeks have been truly a blessing.


When a friend recently texted, “Nine degrees? Any regrets?” I didn’t hesitate: “Not a one.” It is really crazy how quickly we adjusted to hats and coats and socks, gloves and well, shoes.  We belong here!  We’ve also started exploring the area together. A few nights ago, we went to a Pentatonix concert, and the female lead said "if you came here with your mom, give her a hug",  we both teared up. My daughter hugged me and told me once again how grateful she is for me.  She took a lot of photos that night and she gets so happy when she sees how much we look alike.  I am so grateful for that.  I always feel badly when people tell her she looks just like me, like what if she doesn't want to (I know - strange!  I was always told I looked like my dad and it bugged me - I wanted to look like my mom and I think I do now!)


This past week brought a lot of challenges that in the past would have leveled me.  But it also brought some incredible things that reminded me of the miracles God brings in His time. As they sang Hallelujah, I felt that familiar swell of gratitude for the life I’m living and for the way it’s unfolding.


Sometimes the circle of life takes my breath away. My life looks so different from what I once imagined. I dreamed of growing old surrounded by my kids and grandchildren, family dinners, and holidays together. But looking back, aside from being a single mom, I’ve realized I’m reliving my parents’ life. They moved away when I was 20, and we never lived in the same state again. I moved to Arizona, far from family in New York, and now my children have built lives apart from me.


Still, my parents found ways to stay deeply connected to me and my children, and I hope to do the same. This new chapter excites me. My children are adults now, and I no longer play the central role in their lives. They want me to support them when they ask and that’s okay. Now, it’s my turn—to pursue the life I want and the happiness I deserve.



Through it all, I’m grateful for the bond I share with my daughter, one that reminds me so much of my relationship with my own mother. My mom was always my go-to person, my friend, and my support system. That’s what my daughter and I have, and I know it will never change.


By her 22nd birthday, things will likely look different. She’s blossoming, starting the next phase of her life, and I couldn’t be more excited for her. Watching her grow into the person she’s meant to be is an incredible gift. I’m so proud of her and so grateful to have a front-row seat to her journey.


And that… is not just a day in the life.