I got the news today oh boy....

10 years ago we got nearly the worst news a family could get.  My then 10 year old got the diagnosis of Lymphoma.  We started the testing a month before and I knew in my gut that it was cancer, even though my brain couldn't believe it.  I don't remember that day often.  But every year on the 2nd of July my son and I share a moment.  It's like a knowing glance.  Sometimes we talk about it, sometimes we don't.  A few weeks ago we were all at the movies together and he says so are you free for lunch on the 2nd?  I said "Did we make plans?"  He says "It's 10 years mom"  I said I know very well what it is honey.  I just didn't remember if we had plans".  How could I forget that day?  I don't remember a lot of it but I remember the moment of the diagnosis.  Danny was sitting on the examination table and his little legs were hanging off the table swinging and Dr. Williams came in.  The first time we met him and he had to deliver this news.  He's over 6 feet tall but he got up on that table and let his legs dangle and swing along with him.  He gave us the news. There was a nurse and Danny's father in the room, if I recall, along with us.  But in my mind...at that moment...it was just my son and me.  Danny and I looked at each other, took a deep breath and I said, okay when do we start?  Dr. Williams was a bit taken back that it was taken so well.  He said, well we could start today if you wanted.  We looked at each other again and said "Let's do it".  And it began.  We drove the hour back home, packed what we needed for our first overnight hospital stay and began the soon to be familiar trip back to the Hospital.  Thinking back, I don't even remember telling my other children that their brother had cancer.  This day began a world that only included Danny and me.  Everything else was a distraction, truth be told. Of course I always worried about my other two children left at home but more about them being okay, I never really thought about what this diagnosis meant to them ---selfish really.  It was all about  Danny and me.  And still to this day, this time, this part of his life is still just ours.  No one else can begin to understand and they weren't there to experience every moment.  It was just the two of us.  It would be the first time Danny and I would be away alone together and truth be told I think he was a little excited.  He really was happy once we got settled.  He felt like it was a hotel stay (that drastically changed going forward). This was a quick treatment we were supposed to be out by early afternoon the next day.  Well the Dr. on call was nervous letting us go so we didn't get out until very late the next day.  And it began....the journey that changed my son forever, changed me forever and changed our relationship forever.

It's interesting that I don't recall the exact date we got an all clear that the chemo had worked.  If I'm guessing it's November 8th.  Strange isn't it?  That we celebrate the date of the diagnosis and not the cure.  I guess because once he was diagnosed it didn't ever cross our minds that the ending wouldn't be a happy one.  It also began the bond that my son and I share that no one else does.  It seems a bit narcissistic maybe that we feel that way.  But, oh well, it's the way it is.  If you were there and supported us during cancer you get a free pass for a lot of other stuff.  That time is in a snow globe of sorts....what happened before and what happened after can't touch it.  He often says he's grateful for this diagnosis, that it made him a different person.  I can't disagree.  His determination, his strength, his drive, his devotion, his kindness, his loyalty,  his passion.....was all built and fueled on this period in life.  The man he is today (an outstanding, incredible, charismatic, successful man) was built on this day 10 years ago.  I hope this all makes sense because quite honestly I'm crying so hard I can't see the keyboard and my heart is in my throat.

I wrote a book about Danny's battle with cancer and my perspective on it.  http://www.lulu.com/shop/tina-marie/beyond-the-immediate/paperback/product-21742888.html .  Here's the link if you want to check it out.  I started to read it the other day and I just couldn't do it.  Maybe because, as my brother says ,I'm no author or maybe because the feelings are buried and bringing them up again is just too painful.  Danny asked me this morning if I had any pictures of us together when he was sick.  I thought about it and realized I didn't.  He said, "I guess we weren't really thinking about taking selfies, huh?"  So I asked the family photographer, my sister and viola.  Here they are.  Then and now.....my heart is so full right now.  What a decade it's been.  He graduated high school, we moved to Florida, he bought his first new car, got his Associates Degree,  moved to North Carolina, he got married, moved back to Florida, started his career in real estate  https://dhosek.watsonrealtycorp.com/, and is one semester out from finishing his bachelors degree.  Those are the pivotal moments.  I left out his parents divorce, major shoulder surgery, 2015 as a whole, deciding to walk away from his college baseball career, 2 hurricane evacuations and some other not so easy ones.

But today, we celebrate.  What a difference 10 years makes.  My son is now a healthy, nearly 21 year old married man. Our relationship has evolved over the years but we have a bond that most people will never understand.  This day changed everything 10 years ago.  It was the beginning of a decade of hell truth be told.  My son often says our ten years of hell is almost over.  I think he's right.  We've been through more in this last 10 years than some families go through in a lifetime. We are proof that good things can come from the worst possible things.   And that sometimes.....it's NOT just a day in the life.....it's so much more.