Mother's day.....as a child I remember it was a day that my dad bought my mom flowers to plant. Mums, azaleas, tulips....those kind of plants. Then they spent the day planting them. Uneventful in my memory. Then one year my dad surprised my mom with a new car. That one went down in the record books. He pulled into the driveway with a HUGE red bow on top of it. My mom was so excited she wasn't even angry that she had to come outside in her robe and curlers. No one EVER saw my mom that way. One year my brother and sister and I had portraits taken to surprise her for mother's day. You see a pattern here? I never really took initiative in mother's day celebrations for my mom. My dad and sister did it most of the time and I went along for the ride. My parents moved when I was 20 so I didn't spend mother's day with my mom a lot over the years so it really didn't matter much to me, to be honest. And then I became a mom.
My first mother's day went down in the history books as a horrific day. I was in tears, it was spent doing something I despised doing and I was still postpartum and completely sleep deprived. All I EVER wanted to do for mother's day was to get deli egg sandwiches and go to the beach. Every year it either rained or we had other commitments. I usually felt disappointed on days like Mother's day or my birthday. I always felt let down, like I was supposed to feel something I never did. I'm not about material things so it wasn't about presents. I don't know. I was always told that I expected too much from people. I have been told that the world revolves around me and the sun rises and sets on me--I'm assuming they meant in my mind. Couldn't be further from the truth. And I have realized that I don't expect too much because now....at this time in my life....I am receiving more from the people I love than I could ever imagine. And I have't lowered my expectations at all.
I was going to write this blog about the fact that I miss my mom and I feel weird not buying any mom or grandma cards again this year. But after this morning my focus changed from lack to abundance. I am so lucky and I am so happy and fulfilled today I can't write about the sadness. Instead, I'm taking the good things from my relationship with my mother and duplicating it with my daughter. I'm sharing things with her that my mom and I enjoyed. It's better than last mother's day when I was so sad I couldn't function.
First of all the man in my life brings me more joy and appreciation and love than I could have ever hoped for. I wish with all my heart that we had found...well connected in this way many many years ago, but this was the way it was intended apparently. I'm so grateful that he gives me every thing I've ever wanted, loves me completely and totally for who I am and not who he wishes I was. I am (for the first time in my life) completely and totally able to be myself and I never have to worry about any repercussions of that. Every day of my life feels like a holiday, complete with the anticipation of what comes next and the excitement of what each day will hold. How lucky am I???? His presence alone in my life makes today and every day beyond perfect. I feel adored and treasured every single day and that is something I never thought I'd feel.
As if that isn't enough I have 3 incredible kids! More and more I have people telling me how lucky I am to have this bond with my children. I know it. I woke up this morning to a card from my oldest with money and the threat of punishment if I did any "mom things" today. He said he was taking care of dinner. That is something I've ALWAYS wanted on mother's day. Someone to let me know that I didn't have to DO anything I didn't want to.
I missed my youngest son before work today, but I found a note from him next to my head when I woke up. He, out of all my kids, tells me more than anyone every day how much I mean to him. He makes sure we have time together one on one all the time. He's always celebrating mother's day. I got a text and I already told you about his amazing gift to me.....so thoughtful.
And my daughter...oh my daughter! She arranged the best gift I've ever received in my life! She and her brothers wrote 51 things they love about me. I spent a delicious amount of time savoring each one and relishing their individual personalities in their notes. The fact that they appreciate me without anyone teaching them how to blows me away! They remember things that I don't and it makes me so happy that they do. I wish I could share every one here....but I will respect their privacy. I've attached pictures of a few. She was SO excited because she made me cry on Mother's day. Apparently my kids are a bit competitive when it comes to who can melt my heart. She's so used to her brother's doing it, it's her turn now. I will treasure this gift for the rest of my life. My daughter also made me a few paintings that were just BEYOND perfect....her thoughtfulness shows me that I'm doing a good job raising the type of woman I want her to be!
I feel treasured by my kids today. I'm not going to lie, I'm blown away by how special they made me feel. I know they appreciate me. They are always telling me that. But today? Their thoughtfulness is beyond my wildest dreams. I feel so happy and at peace it's beyond incredible. Maybe I AM doing ok with this motherhood thing. Perhaps this next phase of my life will be filled with every holiday being like this. I'm so excited and so blessed I'm overflowing with hope and happiness and just pure love. It's more than just a day in the life......