My daughter. Oh my daughter. How I love that little girl. She's 12 now. So grown up, so put together, so what I wish I had been at 12 years old. I do something I rarely do as a mom....I take credit for that! I treated her the way I wish I had been treated. Things I longed for as a child I gave her. I gave her the wisdom of my years and I'm lucky that she listened! She still trusts my judgment, for now. She still thinks I'm a pro at relationship advice (because I've had so many bad ones and am now in one that she considers "#relationshipgoals, she cracks me up!) Every single day I look at her with an adoration that I don't think she's aware of. I look up to her in so many ways and every day she amazes me more and more!
Being the youngest and having 2 older brothers who were home schooled, I'm afraid she didn't get the attention I feel she should have had when she was younger. Well, she got plenty of attention, I just don't feel she got enough from me. She is the only one of my children that I wish I could have a do over with. Why, you may ask, since I've just stated that she's pretty much perfect in every way? Because she was that way from birth. Never trouble, never cranky or whiny unless she was sick obviously. She was so much FUN! And I want to do it again, and relish every single moment as if she was my first and only child. Selfish? Maybe. But she's my only daughter. I spent years with trucks and power rangers and army guys and more power rangers and wrestlers. I want to spend more time with painting and Barbie dolls and dress up and princesses. I didn't get enough of that.
This morning as I was dropping her off at school she made this quick witted joke that most people would have missed. I didn't. I can't explain it and make it as funny as she did, but I lost it! I was laughing so hard I could barely see. When did she get so funny? When did she become so creative and quick and smart? My youngest son gave me the most AMAZING mother's day gift the other night (he's just like me---can't wait and hates surprises) and I was blown away. I told him that his sister had a gift for me in her room and I was shocked. He said she had this great idea that she squashed and came up with another one. But the idea she squashed was so amazing to me and I was stunned that she thought of it all on her own. She wanted her brother to write 22 things he loved about me (he's 22) her other brother to write 17 things he loved about me (he's 17, see the pattern) and she was going to write 12 things....and together they added up to 51 which is how old I am! Wow.....
Yesterday I was packing up the last of her childhood toys. We sold all the barbies and make believe stuff back at Christmas time. She was ready to ditch it all. I wasn't. I held onto the things that meant the most to me, due to the memories of her playing with them. And the memories of me stepping on them while walking through the house. As I packed them away for my future granddaughters I felt this overwhelming sadness that I normally don't feel as my kids grow out of phases. I think because with my baby girl it happened so fast. One day she was playing with her American girl dolls and literally the next day it was over and she was doing DIY's on Pinterest and YouTube. She went from wearing her contacts one or two days a week to wearing makeup daily. She gets up early now to do her hair in different styles. I love this new stage, because she's SO good at it all and it means I'm off the hook of attempting to follow a teenager on you tube show me how to do a funky braid! But I also miss being the one to take care of her. It's so early! My boys still wanted me to take care of them in so many ways until they were adult age. Why is my daughter so self sufficient? Aside from the fact that girls are different in that way, I think (again, out of my comfort zone) it's because she has me as a role model. She's watched me do everything for everyone since she was born. She's a strong young lady. No whimpering, no whining, no I can't for her...no way in hell! She's going to take the world by storm and she'll do it with a smile on her face! I love her with a fierceness that I can't describe. People constantly say she's a mini me. My love calls her Tiny T. This means the world to me. She is my legacy. She will carry on my traditions when I can't anymore. She is my little girl and I am eternally grateful that I am her mommy.