L is for the way you look at me....O is for the only one I see, V is very very---extraordinary E is even more than anyone that you adore can LOVE

 

Valentines day......not one of my favorite days in the year.  In FACT - I am not a fan AT ALL.  9 years ago today I said goodbye to my mom for the last time.  In fact as I sat at the table this morning, the very table I held her hand at and said goodbye and I just felt sad.  I miss her.  So much.  I lied to her that morning.  It was a lie of love - I was protecting her from things that she couldn't know about.  Even the fact that I had put past issues behind me -  I smiled and said I forgave her.  I lied.  I would not forgive her fully until my dad passed away almost 7 years later.  But what good would it have done for her to know?  It would not have helped either one of us.  However - I am NOT a liar!  I do not lie.  And I don't appreciate people who do.  So this really still doesn't sit well with me.  I have apologized to her and she knows....she knows how much I love(d) her and I didn't want her to hurt any more than she already did.  But I wish I had 5 more minutes to hold her hand and look her in the eye and say those words again and mean them.  I love you, and I forgive you!

This brings me to today's post.  Love.  Truth.  Forgiveness.  So many people don't feel or express those three things the way they should---the way they would if they knew their time on earth with someone was not guaranteed.  And what is up with all the big gestures on Valentines day?  What about a regular Monday in June?  Tuesday in March?  Why do people save these things for a "special occasion" - if you are lucky enough to feel love for someone - say it!  Shout it from the rooftops.  You are blessed and so are they.  Who doesn't want to feel loved?  And not because someone has to, because they can't help but feel it.  Maybe because some people weaponize love---use it to manipulate someone?  Get them to follow along?  Who knows why people don't express it easily or freely, but they should.  

So many people these days say they never heard I love you as a child.  Honestly?  I don't remember if my parents said it often, but I knew they did.  I felt it deep inside, I felt safe and loved whether they said it or not.  I know as an adult they said it - all the time so I am assuming they said it when I was little.  I don't believe it is a word that should be thrown around like it's meaningless either. So--how do you know when it's real or just a word?  I would assume it's like when I was a child.....you just feel it.

What about forgiveness?  So many people say they forgive someone but yet they keep things in their back pocket just in case...that's not true forgiveness.  When you forgive someone you need to start with a clean slate and trust and believe they will not do whatever it is again.  Or that they truly didn't mean to hurt you.  And if you are lucky enough to receive true forgiveness you need to do the same - pay it forward.

My daddy made Valentines day so special for me and my sister and my mom.  But he also remembered to bring my mom flowers every month on the 21st which was their anniversary.  And she remembered to show him love every Thursday as they celebrated the beginning of their weekends in the later years.  Maybe that is why I believe in love and I believe you should show it and say it when you feel it.  Because I had such an amazing example growing up, not everyone did.  But you can change that today---you can be that example to others.  And I am going to believe that my mom knows that although I lied that day when I said goodbye that I love her more than she could ever know and I forgive her with my whole heart.

And honestly?  Today is just another day in the life after all.