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Saturday, April 15, 2017

It's More than a feeling...

Happy Saturday!  Yup, it's going to be....you know why?  Because I'm choosing to make it so!  Enough of these crappy 2017 vibes already, I'm over it.  What appeared to begin as the best year of my life has gone horribly wrong.  I've fought upstream for the last 4 months trying to figure it all out.  The hows and the whys and the when is it going to get better....I've pasted a smile on my face and gone through the motions and tried to fake it until I make it.  I forgot how much I friggin HATE that.  I have done it most of my life and I promised myself I'd never go back.  Well, I slipped....I'm human.  But no more!  I've been allowing what I don't have to be the focus of my life the last 4 months instead of focusing on what I DO have.  Which is pretty incredible!  I have once again given my life over to God in action not just in word and it makes all the difference.  I will no longer fret about things that I don't have and things that are out of my control.  I've done my best to fix them and that's all a person can do.  It's time to focus on all the blessings in my life, and there are many!

First of all I woke up this morning, so that's a good start. I am healthy and so is my family.  I will never EVER take that for granted.  I have friends and family and former classmates that cannot say that.  Some of them live with debilitating illnesses and special needs children and sick spouses....I admire them.  And I'm gonna throw a pity party?  No way, not any more!  I have an amazing job, truly heaven sent, along with that job comes bosses who are like family to me--that alone is enough for me to be grateful every day.  I have friends all around the world who get me!  Truly get me.  I can reach out to any one of them at any time and they are there.  #blessed.   I have a family that loves me (most of the time 😏), my dad will be 87 in a few weeks and he is healthy and self sufficient, still working and traveling. My kids, well I've written enough about my kids so I don't need to go any further with that.  I have an extremely cordial relationship with my ex and had the easiest divorce on the planet.   I'm a lucky girl!  Spring has sprung and so has my positive attitude.

I realized that the first half of every year is usually a struggle for me.  I don't know much about numerology but I did have a reading recently about life cycles and some number for the year and what it means.  Apparently you have 52 days after your birthday each year to tie up the lose ends for the cycle the year before, who knew?  Well, that lands in March for me.  Makes sense why I usually start feeling better in April.  I also realized that I'm a problem solver.  I don't like having yuck feelings in my life, I don't like negative stuff.  So.  I do whatever it takes to get rid of it.  But what about the stuff that's out of my control?  I find that I hold onto that shit like a life preserver.  Only what it does is make me sink.  When I've done everything I can do and I still can't fix the problem I need to learn to let it go.  Sometimes it hurts more than anything else, because ....well just because.  But I've come to realize that hanging on to that focus of what I can't have just makes the rest of my life seem bleak.  That's not how I want to live. If it's meant to fix itself it will, it's out of my hands and I need to accept that and focus on the good.

I listen to Abraham Hicks a lot on and off.  I struggle with the concept of the Law of Attraction because I do believe in Destiny and Fate and Meant to Be occurrences in life and I go back and forth with how that works.  I also believe in Divine Timing and that conflicts with Abraham's teachings. What I have figured out though is it's all about the feeling.  If you find the things in life to feel good about you will have more good things come to you.  And when negative things come you just have to address them and then do your best to not focus on them.  You have to trust that better days are coming and they will.  We were discussing our annual Easter Egg hunt the other morning and my son said "Well, next year I probably won't be here, so...." and I said "So, we'll do it the week before or the week after" problem solved.  Now, could I focus on the fact that this year will be the end of an era?  The end of not having to share holidays with their significant other's families?  Could I get sad thinking about all the years when I dressed them up on Easter and stuffed 200 plastic eggs for the family egg hunt?  No.  I won't do that.  It's just a bend in the road, not the end.  Just a change in direction.  There are still plenty of memories to be made, and good times to celebrate.  Because after all......it's just a day in the life <3
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