Silence is Golden.....but my eyes still see

Yesterday I got a text from my 14 year old daughter.  "I need to talk to you when I get home"  uh oh.  I responded "Ummmm ok, are you alright?  Did something happen?"  she responded that yes something happened and she was crying to her friend.  Crying? At school? My daughter?  Shit...that's big.  I asked if she wanted me to pick her up early (yes...I am THAT mother, don't judge me!)  She said no she would be ok (until 35 minutes later when she changed her mind but it was too late).  I picked her up and she was telling me about one of her friends treating her like she was stupid and she was pissed.  (It's a genetic thing....nothing gets to us like being treated like we're stupid!)  ok...normal stuff.  Then come the tears.  A few things that she is extremely sensitive about were commented on by this boy.  This boy has been an issue all year for his insensitive comments but I think it just got to be too much for her.  My daughter is beautiful....inside and out and it's a known fact not just my view of her....society's view of her too.  I've said before that if I looked like her when I was 14 I would have been over the moon.  But that's my point.....no matter how beautiful or handsome or put together you look on the outside, we ALL have something about ourselves that is less than.  And it's not for anyone else to judge or critique...it's ours.  Which brings me to my point....be CAREFUL with your words!!!!

After I got over my initial gut reaction to drive back to the school and rip someone a new one and contact this kids parents and tell them they were raising a monster, I reflected.  To someone else what this kid said was nothing. Just stupid stuff.  But to my daughter?  It was like salt in an open wound.  These were her insecurities that no one else would know about.  They wouldn't know how many hours we spent in the health and beauty aids section searching for the perfect solutions (not to fix her....I tell her all the time she is perfect just the way she is!  To help HER feel better about these ''flaws" that SHE sees)....how many nights she cried before bed because of them.  How heartbreaking it is to watch her feel this way and I can't fix it.  I had the same thing with my youngest son....his height....always comments about it.  Why do people feel that it's ok to comment on some one's size....or coloring.....or anything for that matter?!?!  I remember my mother being so upset because people would comment on how thin she was.  Ummmm really mommy?  Like I'd kill for those comments!  And then I realized....it was the same thing!  My mother didn't like people "criticizing" her for her size.  I, as someone who has struggled with weight my ENTIRE life, saw it as a compliment...but she was self conscious about it.  She didn't like people noticing what she wore or what size she was.  We ALL have something!!!!  When I first started working I remember people commenting on how everything matched.  My shoes, my purse, my earrings.  It sounds complimentary right?  But to ME?  It felt like I was being criticized and judged.  It's all in the eye of the recipient.  People comment on what a great mom I am and how lucky my kids are.....I used to wear that like a badge of honor.  It made me feel like I was fulfilling my purpose.  Now?  I don't have a relationship with my oldest son.  When people say to me now that I'm a good mom etc?  I feel like it's a knife in my heart because I feel like it's fake.  Like it's a facade!  That is on me, I know that....there is nothing wrong with telling someone they are good at something.  If they can't own it then that's something they have to work on themselves.  I'm just pointing out how even a compliment can feel like a jab at a certain time.

My point in all this ramble is to think before you speak.  Try not to comment on people's personal appearance...their height, their weight, their skin....it's reinforcing the superficialness of this society.  Why are people praised for being tall?  Did they have any choice?  Is it like they worked so hard to be tall?  And why is tall such a positive quality?  Who decided that?  Why are people teased and made fun of for being short?  It doesn't make sense!  People are shamed for being fat and praised for being thin....I'm guilty of this one myself. My oldest son was bullied for being overweight and he lost 30 pounds and began a very unhealthy obsession with his weight.  It is sad!  Sad to me that society judges people by what's on the outside.

I choose how I feel about someone by the person that they are.  I even see them differently by their personality. People become "ugly" to me by their actions.  I think I see people in terms of energy and their aura rather than physical appearances.  I wish everyone had the ability to do that.  But until that time comes....silence is golden.....think before you speak....and remember.....everyone is fighting a battle we know nothing about so be kind...it's just a day in the life.