Good morning yesterday.....you wake up---and time has slipped away

 

I am not really sure what is going to come through, but this post has been floating in my brain all weekend.  I was blessed to spend the weekend with all three of my children in beautiful Amelia Island.  I really cannot remember the last time we went away together when we were not visiting family in New York or Las Vegas or Florida.  I think their entire childhoods flashed before my eyes this weekend, along with every vacation we had ever taken.  This time away was much needed.  I gave my work phone to my daughter for the weekend (ok, she demanded it lol) and at first I felt lost like I was missing a limb--that made me realize how much I had changed and grown as much as my children have.  By the time we got to the hotel and settled in it went away.  I am enjoying my role as friend in my children's lives and not so much mommy anymore.  There is no worrying about whether I have packed their favorite things- they do that themselves now.  No more planning their meals and making sure they have snacks in between (yes, I still pack them, along with water, but if I did not they would fend for themselves).  I realized how different life has become....I was sitting poolside with my oldest and discussing everything under the sun and it occurred to me how quickly I had become a working mom and forgot what life was like before.  Watching all these families on vacation and kids in the pool with their parents I quickly went back in time to when that was me.  Yes, I got emotional, but not because they are grown up, but because I realized how I never could be completely in one place back then.  I remembered a trip to Disney World when my boys were probably 7 and nearly 3.  I thought about how when I was in the room with my younger son while he napped and my oldest was in the pool with his dad that all I could think about was being at the pool having fun with him.  Then, when my parents took over room duty and I was down in the pool I was thinking about how I wished my younger son would wake up and come have fun.  I could never fully enjoy myself.  I was always micromanaging time and moods and making sure everyone had the best time.  Yesterday morning we were at the pool and my younger son saw two brothers fighting in the pool and he turned to me and said "Hey ma!  Bring back memories?  Do you miss it?" chuckling with his brother.  I quickly replied, NO!  lol.  I much prefer this

watching them have a catch on the beach.  They had a wiffleball game with my daughter, daughter in law and her brother too.  This was much more fun.  Truth be told when they were little the beach was always a place they got along well.  This trip was a beautiful reminder of that.  Only now they go smoke cigars together instead of building sand castles -- still bonding.

My daughter and I went to order breakfast and they asked if we had paid for our coffees already---I said oh yes, my sons came down earlier and they brought them up to us.  She said "Oh yes, your boys were so nice!  Very polite, lots of please and thank yous--such gentlemen"  Wow, that never ever gets old.  I am so very proud of them every single day.   My daughter---where do I begin?  I feel like she is the absolute best version of me.  She is going away this week to spend time with our family in New York and knowing that, she stayed pretty close to me this weekend.  I cannot wait for my family to get to spend time with her alone and see her personality and just get to know her as an almost adult.  I will miss her, that goes without saying, but just like her brothers before her I love watching them get to experience life and become the people I prayed they would be.

I have never been one to think about my age, but this trip it really hit me that I am getting older.  I had the replay of my life in the back of my mind while at the forefront was the beautiful addition of my precious time with my kids.   Something was missing, but that is nothing new---that is missing every day of my life, I am getting used to that constant ache, but I forced myself to focus on the good.  The break from work, my 3 healthy, happy, miraculous offspring---enjoying each other's company while we still live in the same state.  I realized how blessed I am.  Some people never see the fruits of their labor.  I see it every time they are together.  Every time they talk about memories (even ones that make me look not so great ;) and knowing that their bond has strengthened over time....and that the one thing I worked so hard to instill in them shows----  Family First.  And everything else?  Just a day in the life.....