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Sunday, October 16, 2016

The moment I wake up....I say a little prayer for you

Answered prayers.....we've all had them right?  When I opened my spiritual page Chat with Your Angels in 2013 probably one of the most non-psychic questions I was asked was "Why doesn't God answer my prayers".....well, I would say He does answer your prayers, but sometimes the answer is no or not right now.  I always felt like God answered my prayers positively so I did struggle with having to tell people that.  Whenever I truly put my mind to praying for something the answer almost always came swiftly.  Was I blessed?  Did God like me better?  I used to struggle with that a lot.  When the darkest times of my life would loom I always knew that God had me.  I didn't worry I just trusted.  I think that was a huge difference.  Lately, being where I am on my spiritual journey I get SO irritated and annoyed and let's be honest, PISSED OFF when people come to me with worry.  Not concern, mind you or occasional nervousness or doubt-I'm talking anxiety and worry.  Especially if these are people that are devout religious people claiming to honor and love God.  Wellllllll then why do you worry?  That's like telling God you don't believe He's got you.  Right?  Think about it!  During my son's entire bout with cancer I only let myself think negatively once----and it wasn't that I didn't trust God, it was that I thought...what if God's plan and my plan didn't necessarily jive in this situation?  But I quickly was reassured that we were on the same page.  When my mother became sick in 2014 I knew it was her time.  I prepared everyone in my family as best as I could that this "was not going to end well".  My prayers were that God's will be done and that my mother was not to suffer.  There's the key.....its the way you pray.  Let me explain further using the most poignant example I have.....receiving my prince charming.

I was in Church yesterday and the Deacon was discussing how we need to pray without ceasing, not to become weary in our prayer.  He discussed the author of "Footprints in the Sand" Mary Stevenson.  I love the poem.  I struggle with the constant praying about the same thing, because I feel like God knows my heart and He heard me the first time I prayed and continuously praying for the same thing is similar to worry.  Not trusting that He will do what is needed.  The Deacon was discussing how prayer doesn't have to be spoken, God hears the prayers you utter in your heart.  Tears began to flow down my face.  I was so moved and so emotional I almost got up to leave.  I felt this peace and this knowing and my angels surrounding me at that very moment.  That was the answer.

I'm a very how and why oriented person.  My love often says to me "does it matter why?"  (Usually when he doesn't have the answer and the answer is "it JUST is").  I finally realized how God brought me the other half of my soul, the perfect match for me.  I am convinced that my mother was up in heaven in His ear petitioning for me and she finally got through to me in a way that she couldn't in the physical world.  She got me to relinquish my control so God could go to work.  I remember the day I finally gave it to God and said "Your will NOT mine be done.  I am open to whatever you lead me to do"  and I finally, after 50 years, MEANT it!  I felt this peace come over me and I could almost physically feel the swift current start moving, as if the dam had been broken.

Over the years I was never satisfied in romantic relationships.  There was always something missing, I was often disappointed and sad and there was an emptiness that could never quite be filled.  I was accused of watching too many romance movies or reading too many Danielle Steele novels, too much Young and the expectations were too high I was told over and over.  I never really pinpointed what it was I wanted or needed I just knew I wasn't getting it.  I prayed for things to get better.  I prayed for my partner to change.  I prayed for patience.  I never asked for what it was I needed, probably because I didn't know what it was.  My heart knew, but it never told my head the specifics.  I never saw any couples that had what I was looking for (other than my parents) and that further solidified the fact that my expectations were too high in my mind.  I wanted the Fairy Tale.  The man who looked at me like I hung the moon and the man that I felt the same way about. I knew I wanted someone that made me feel whole and at peace and cherished.  Someone that would always be there for me no matter what and would understand my craziness and love me in spite of it.

When I became a mom my focus turned to my children and that fulfilled something in me that pushed the loneliness and sadness away for the most part.  It was still there, lingering under the surface.  When I decided that I needed to end my marriage formally it was because I realized that someday soon the kids would be gone and I wanted that partner I dreamed of my whole life to be by my side, the one I was told didn't exist.  The springtime day in 2015 that I released that control to God was the day that every prayer my heart never said out loud was able to come true.  God worked in ways that no one would ever believe to bring me the one true love of my life.  My very own Prince Charming. (honestly, Prince Charming could learn some things from my love.  He NEVER would have to walk around with a shoe, he'd recognize me if he was blindfolded, just sayin').

From the first moment he changed my life.  We were just friends at first.  We talked about everything and anything all day every day.  He became my go to guy.  I knew that I could tell him anything and he would understand and always know the right thing to say.  I've NEVER had that before with anyone in my life.  He seemed too good to be true, but we were just friends so what purpose would he have to hide anything?  Days turned into weeks and into a month and we decided to finally express the feelings that were building over that month.  He made a promise to me on that day and he has kept it every single day since.  I have often said that he is the answer to every prayer I've ever had spoken and unspoken and that is why those words in church yesterday hit me so hard.  He is my gift from God.  I am by far the luckiest woman in the world and I will devote my life to making sure that he knows it.  I will continue to thank God every day for this miracle and I will pray for the same relationship for each of our children, all 5 of them.
So, the next time you think that your prayers aren't being answered consider this.....are you praying for something that isn't in your best interest?  Perhaps give it all to God and let Him decide....He knows what's best!  I'm living's just a day in the life. <3 p="">
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