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Friday, February 24, 2017

My funny valentine...you make me smile with my heart

I've mentioned before I'm not a huge fan of Valentines day.  Two years ago it became my least favorite holiday for new reasons.  Today marks the last day I saw my mom alive.  I am close to tears today and I refuse to give in to it.  But honestly I think I've become more synical to it all for other reasons as well.  I'm going to put a BIG disclaimer right here and say I'M NOT JUDGING ANYONE!  I'm simply stating my opinion.  Which if you're smart won't mean a rats ass to you ;)   it's just how I view things at this moment in time.  And believe me even 3-6 months ago I didn't view things this way so what the hell do I know.  But here's my take on this commercial holiday.

EVERY DAY SHOULD FEEL LIKE VALENTINES DAY if you're with the right person.  Ok not EVERY day we all have shitty periods in our relationships, even the right ones, but MOST of the time!  Why do we need a money making holiday to get the flower, card and candy companies rich?  Why do we need an EXCUSE to tell the world that we love our person?  Does it make your relationship better because your significant other wrote a sweet testament of love on your face book wall?  Or on theirs?  Why does it matter what anyone else thinks about your relationship if you both know it's great?  I find it shallow.  There I said it.  Sigh.  There was a point in time that I would have killed to have someone do that for me.  But now?  I prefer my relationship to be between us.  We know.  It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, does it?  My love is a very private man.  He is supportive of the fact that I'm a tell all kind of person, but I'm sure he's not overjoyed at the fact :)..  However, I've realized that he is SO right and I need to put a lid on it.  (I'm not going to lie, I've never admitted another person is right as much as I admit he is....he's lucky I love him cause it's kinda annoying hee hee).  Maybe it's my age, maybe as I get older I see things....no....no that's not it because I see people much older than me still needing the approval of others, whether they realize it or not.

I could easily shout out to the world today that I'm sad because it's the last day I saw my mom alive and that I spent Valentines day for nearly 30 years being disappointed or I could say that I'm so in love right now that every day feels like Valentines day and because of that I think it's stupid?  Does it matter?  No.  Because no one else's perception or opinion of my life is real.  Think of it that way.  YOU know what your life is made of.  Why does it matter to you what anyone else's perception is?  Remember the girl who got flowers at work all the time?  Did you ever wonder WHY he didn't just bring them to her at home?  Yea....because they wanted EVERYONE to see what a great relationship they had.  Sorry I know I sound like a bitch, but think about it?  Wouldn't those flowers have been enjoyed more at home?  I'm not saying these gestures aren't sweet or nice or genuine.  I'm just saying that perhaps the intention behind them wasn't necessarily pure.

But tomorrow I could feel differently....it's just a day in the life.
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