I've been given signs this week about lessons I still need to learn. I really really stupidly thought I was done with these lessons. I've done more self work in the past 10 years than most of Hollywood has done on their physical appearance. However, when we stop growing we die right? But it seems my lessons keep repeating because I guess I think I've got it down, but not completely.
We have lived in this house now for 6 months. My oldest dog continues to go to the left of the sliding door to go out. That's where the door opened in Arizona. Here it opens on the right. No matter how many times she goes to the door she continues to do it. It made me think of the saying "Insanity : doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." I realized with a jolt that that was EXACTLY what I was doing!
I stopped meditating when life got good. Mistake number 1. Don't stop doing the things that got you where you wanted to be. Meditation is vital to my well being I've learned. It gets me out of my busy little head and into my heart and closer to God. Lesson learned....again. While I was searching for the right guided meditation the other day I came across an Abraham Hicks video with the title "When you're stuck in the asking you can't receive the manifestation". Duh. I know this! Every time my life spins out of control I realize that I get manic and think it's always going to be like this. I try to find solutions, I go over the situation again and again....I get stuck in the problem....which brings more of the problem. I think I have to fix it I have to blah blah blah. No. Silly child. Your job is to accept it and have faith that better days are coming. I can't TELL you how many times this has happened to me. I learned the lesson 2 years ago but apparently I had to learn it again. I have released it all and left it to God to sort it out. I know what I want, the outcome that I desire. However, sometimes it's not what's meant for you and fighting it, I have learned the hard way, is futile. I asked God yet again, nearly 2 years after the first time I did it to show me His will. Show me what is meant for me. Thy will not mine be done. Last time I did that my life turned around in a magical way. Things came to me that I never would have dreamt of, better than if I had planned it myself. But I had to TRULY be open to an outcome different than that which I so desperately wanted. And it turned out to be the absolutely most perfect time in my life. Because I trusted. And I'm going to trust again. When you've done all that you can do, then it's time to let God (or the Universe if that's what you're comfortable with) do the rest. What's meant for you can never be taken from you.
I'm usually a very positive person. I can always see the bright side to any situation. If you've read my book you know that even my 10 year old having cancer didn't change that. There were many blessings in even the darkest moments. My problems stem from when I believe in my whole heart and soul that something is destined to happen and it doesn't. Well, at least it doesn't in my time frame or in the way I thought it would. My problems come from me thinking things are about me when they aren't. Not every thing is about me or my feelings...shocking I know. Another lesson I've painfully learned many damn times. But apparently I needed a refresher course. Just because I would never react to something the way someone else does doesn't make their way of reacting wrong or bad. Shocker. I wonder if I will ever completely learn this particular lesson or if I'll keep getting it beat over my head. I am usually really good at putting myself in someone else's shoes but sometimes I just can't understand why people do the things they do. I'm sure people look at me the same way.
My kids and I are very similar. We think the way we do things is normal, obviously, or we wouldn't do it. We think everyone does things this way. But they don't. Here's an example. When we go to bed we all go to each other and say goodnight. Love you. Give a hug most times. We come in the house we say hello to each other. How was your day? Share pleasantries. We leave to go to the store or the gym or work, we say good bye, love you, have a good day etc. My son's girlfriend mentioned to him once that it was strange that we do this. She likes it, don't get me wrong, but she says she's never seen anyone do this. Huh? Hmmm. Flashback to when I was married and my ex would walk in the door from work. We all stopped whatever we were doing and greeted him. My friends all thought I was crazy. They'd be like does he expect that? Ummm no. In fact I think he'd have preferred if we didn't do it looking back. It was just what I was raised with and I thought it was normal. Looking back I always was saddened by the fact that he didn't seem to care that we did this. I should have read the definition of insanity and I could have saved us all a lot of grief.
My point in all of this is that change is necessary. You have to grow in order to thrive or maybe it's thrive in order to grow. "Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don't belong." So true. I love the analogy that in order for a seed to grow it needs to be covered in dirt and kept in the dark. So is the seasons of our lives. The beauty is what you do with those dark times....do you curse the darkness or find your own light?
After all....it's just a day in the life xo