Just stop your crying, it's a sign of the times...welcome to the final show!

 Today, my youngest child has her last day of high school.  Wow.  The end of an era.....the end of what feels like is my whole life and I am sure feels like it's been her whole life too.  She got picked up this morning, which made yesterday the last day I drove her and it was unbeknownst to me which was fabulous! .She got her cap and gown yesterday, but luckily I did not have too much time to get emotional because we had a dress disaster (note to anyone--do not order a dress with a pouf to go under a graduation gown unless you want to look like you are much larger than you are!

We have both been very busy and distracted these last few weeks.. She's been really enjoying her friends and activities and just really GOOD stuff.  But, she is my daughter through and through.  Last night as we had dinner and caught up on life she said that she was really drained.  It is catching up with her, all this social stuff.  We are definitely the same in that we need down time alone in order to recharge.  I think Monday it will possibly hit her--but I do not know.  This little girl whoops, this young woman has been through so much in her 18 years on this planet and she handles it all like a boss, I am not sure how it will affect her.  I just see a lot more emotion lately so I have to think it's all boiling up under the surface.  She thanked me on Monday for always showing her strength and how to handle things like a "bad ass bitch"--- it's funny, I feel like I have shown my kids my weakness more times than I can count---they have seen me at my worst, where I am crying so hard I cannot breathe.  But I guess, when it matters....when life really knocks me down, all they see is that I get up again and hold my head up and do what needs to be done.  And they follow suit.  I guess, that's what matters right?

I do not remember making a fuss over my son's last day of school---I guess it did not occur to me because I was excited for their next phase of life.  I knew it was not an ending but a beautiful exciting beginning. Also, they never seemed to make a big deal out of stuff like that.  For my daughter this is all a very big deal.  She told me her brother (cream filling) texted her this morning about it---she was really happy about that.  Normally, my daughter does not care about milestones or getting attention or recognition, so it's a really hard thing to know when she wants a fuss and when she does not.  But I know this is a huge event for her.  I hope I did not miss the boat with my sons, but hey, I am sure they would have mentioned it by now 😉  It is just that as my daughter ends this part of life, I am ending it with her.  And like many of her friends have confessed to me, they don't know what the next chapter looks like and they're scared.  Me too sweetie, me too. But it will all work out.  Maybe not how you thought, maybe not how you planned, but it will

She received the gold honors cord, my baby girl.  This kid missed more school than is legal.   But she always handed in her assignments and took pride in her work. Throughout these last four years alone she has dealt with moving, missing school to travel and be a bridesmaid in three weddings, cheer competitions, illness/turmoil in our immediate family, people she loves letting her down, a pandemic, rushing down several times to take care of her grandfather and ultimately the death of her grandfather-that is a lot for a high schooler to handle.   I know on Wednesday as I see her cross that stage I will feel that feeling of pride....that feeling of love swell in my chest.  The feeling of gratitude that God gave me this precious human being to raise and to love---and she is miraculous. I am so blessed to be the keeper of her secrets, her guidance system, her go to person.  I am sad that my extended family will not be at this graduation.  She was only given a limited number of tickets and she did not want to choose.  My oldest son will not be there as things are rocky with him right now.  I have always felt my daughter got the short end of the stick in so many ways.....this is no different.  She deserves a parade!  But instead, she'll get a moving truck and yet another goodbye as her brother moves back to Arizona.  She will get a time of uncertainty as we figure out what our next move is.  I know that this girl is tough as nails.  She rolls with the punches and finds the blessings in every situation.  She is grateful for the little things.  And I know that God is going to bless her with a magnificent future with more than she could ever imagine.  He will send her a husband who loves and adores her, and beautiful, healthy children and she will be the center of their world.  She will have a career that she loves until the time comes for her to focus on that beautiful family.  Because that is what she dreams of and she deserves nothing less. 

So, as I prepare to watch her embark on this next chapter I will continue to pray, and hold her close and cherish every moment with this beautiful human being and realize that in the grand scheme of things....it's just a day in the life.